The Shying

My heart beats, & I laugh & pound my fist into the wall,
"Don't look!" he shouts,
I do any way;
Will I find My Love within these darkened corridors?
I shake,
I don't want to look anymore!
I am lost,
I don't know who or what I am now.
I cut,
The cold blade on my warm flesh feels so good.
Warm, warm, I want HER warmth!
But no, no, today it will not come...
Even if I wish it to.
The blade runs across my arm,
The skin peels off like a rubber glove,
It leaves in its wake a scarlet mass of bone & wire,
both animal & man.
I clinch in the pain,
then I slowly raise up,
I look, I look, but do not see,
& I laugh
...I laugh.