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Quiet as is proper for such places;
The street, subdued, half-snow, half-rain,
Endless, but ending in the darkened doors.
Inside, they who will be there always,
Quiet as is proper for such people--
Enough for now to be here, and
To know my door is one of these.

      - Robert Creeley



Welcome to the William Eugene Burton Tribute Website

Here we will explore the life of one amazing human being, a true creative soul. An artist and writer, a person with ideas and the motivation to make them real. Someone we will miss terribly, not only because he was intelligent and funny and passionate, but because he will no longer be able to CREATE.

What can we do but appreciate the creativity he left behind for us? What is left but to remember who he was and make sure that all he has done is never forgotten.

This site is a tribute to Beau...

I will miss you my friend, deeply, and I hope that you're able to keep on creating where you are now. Surely a better place than this.

      - T.A. Gorton aka tWISTEd sPINe

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE

William Eugene Burton's life was cut short because of a drunk driver.

Let's repeat that, because its important to understand what it means.

William Eugene Burton's life was cut short because of a drunk driver.

He does not get another day. He will never create another piece of art, or write another story to share with the world. He does not get the chance to realize his dreams. Never again will he be able to spend a Holiday with his family. All the moments of his life that SHOULD HAVE come to pass are now rendered empty.

All this because someone drank alcohol and decided to drive a vehicle. A life stolen, for what? To save a few dollars on cab fair? To avoid sleeping on a friend's couch?

How many amazing people will lose their lives this way? How much sadness will we allow for something so easily avoided?

PLEASE!!! Make a difference. Stand up and be heard. If you see someone getting behind the wheel after drinking, stop them. Do what you have to do, even if you don't know them personally. Together, we can stop another tragedy from taking place.

Visit and become part of an organization trying to make a difference:
Mothers Against Drunk Driving

Students Against Destructive Decisions

CONTRIBUTE to this WEBSITE

Did you know WEB? Are you a friend or family member that would like to add something to WEB's Tribute site? Or, perhaps you have come across this site and been moved by his artwork or writing?

The goal of this Tribute is to ensure that Beau is never forgotten. We are always accepting contributions, even if you did not know him personally but just feel inspired to offer something; poetry, sentiments, words, music... there are no limitations.

For further information, please contact T.A. Gorton (aka tWISTEd sPINe) at:
twistedspine@darkchamber.com


The Crow Inspired Artwork


The Crow was a big part of WEB's creative universe. His passing leaves a HUGE hole in the online Crow community, especially The Crow CHAMBEROOM, where WEB always had unique ideas to share and constantly impressed us all with his creative energy. In this gallery are pieces inspired in some way by The Crow.




click for full size        click for full size        click for full size        click for full size        click for full size

Burning Times at C3        click for full size        click for full size        click for full size


The Artwork of W. E. Burton


While the Crow was at the center of WEB's creativity, he did many different things. In this gallery you can explore his various work.




click for full size       
UNFINISHED PROJECTS

One of the most difficult aspects of creating this Tribute site is right here. There are so many projects that WEB was working on, projects he will not be able to complete.


:::CEMETERY GIRL:::

Cemetery Girl Page 1

Cemetery Girl was WEB's baby, his fully original concept that would have no doubt earned him a huge fanbase, and perhaps found publication with a major comic company. Unique, darkly humorous, and fused with WEB's original visual style, Cemetery Girl is quite special.

16 pages of CG were penciled by Beau before he passed away, and thanks to his brother Duncan and others involved, those pages will be completed and brought to full color life in the not too distant future.

Original concept, story, and art work by Beau Burton

Coloring, inking, and lettering by Shawn Darling

Page 1

Issue 1

 

Part One

"HOW HAIRY YOU ARE"
or
CEMETERY GIRL
vs.
THE WOLFMAN

TRIBUTE GALLERY

Here family and friends of WEB offer something of themselves to ensure his memory lives on. Click a name to view each person's contribution.


Bud Cook aka Draven Maniac       Moon Mistress

Eric C. (Neo)       Arykh       Stacie Smakal

XvXDestinyXvX       Deaderman       Salem Crow

tWISTEd sPINe

Moon Mistress


Why have you gone
taken way too soon
ne'er to be undone
be with wind, sun, and moon

End of a friendship just begun
a bond of heart
forged with a special one
in whose life I was a part

But forgotten ne'er will you be
though time is short and passes by
a memory so dear to me
with eagle's wings you now fly

Beau, I miss you. Take care, my
friend. See you on the other side.


Eric C. (Neo)


I sat down thinking about WEB and how he was taken from us much too soon. I just listened to my emotions and tried to make a song that reflected them, hence the name "Reflection". I was thinking about him, his artwork, his passionate posts at The Chamberoom.....about his family outside the cyberworld that now has to cope with this terrible tragedy. I just wanted to let them know that he will never be forgotten by his online family and our thoughts and prayers are with you. This song is dedicated to him and his family.


Reflection - Original Mix for WEB
(right click and save target as)


Arykh


The Writing on the Wall, A Road Now Traveled
(In Dedication to WEB)

Climbing the hills and mountains of our soul, we encounter obstacles that it is hard to believe anyone else could share. So we struggle on or give up. This is a story of someone who didn't give up. Someone who is gone but is still here and will remain here forever.

The hills were enormous. The valleys stooped down so low you could not see the bottom. But as the road less traveled had become the highway of his soul he decided not to stop where everyone else would say whoa. Jumping to a stance like a bird taking flight wings spread from shoulder to shoulder. His arms outstretched, he dives for the bottom. Clouds passing him as he soars across the open ranges. His wings black and gold carried him for a long time till finally he decided to land once again. When he landed he looked around. The mountains had ended. Just luscious, flat, green, open meadows remained. A home sat to the far back and he could tell from a glance exactly where he was. His wings disappeared for he knew he would not need them anymore.

He began to run like a child to a parent. A feeling, a sensation that had no end. A face appeared from beyond the homes door and he came to a sudden stop. There before him stood a face. A face of pure beauty. A face so wondrous that description itself fell short of any words that could speak the beauty of the name.

That is when the face kneeled down before him and said as it opened its arms, "Well done my young one. You have soared as a bird yet with no wings, you have climbed quicker then a tiger searching chasing the next meal, but mostly you have been true to your beliefs, your heart, and your friends more then many neighbors in countries of the world. Though you be with flaws just as any of them do, you stand before me now tall and undefeated. You are strong and now pure. Just as promised in times past, I give you this new world to explore. The challenge is over, the journey complete. In time your friends will come as well but until then you may visit as you wish. They will not see you but your presence shall be felt. However, now you must rest for your journey is over. Your piece does begin."

He laid down his thoughts and cradled his dreams. So much left needed to be done. But the time just did not allow. Why did it not allow he thought. It began to puzzle him too much. But then he realized where he now stood once again and all this was gone. He walked to the water of a near pond and looked down at his reflection. It too had changed without any feeling of change at all. He too was now beyond expression, yet he knew exactly what had happened. He walked back to the home and opened the door. Inside was all he had ever dreamed, all he had ever wished. He was finally able to rest. He sat down at he drawing table that was gathered in a corner by the window. He began to sketch faces he had never seen before. He knew the faces but only as names. Then other faces appeared that he knew before even drawn. A mural he began to sketch took detail and shape with a simple thought of his will, and the wall was covered with the piece that he wanted and knew. The faces on the wall were his friends and family his own salvation achieved. Each one distinct in it's own way. The brother he knew was in color. The leader of a board he loved was there with pencils and pens by his side, others too from the board existed and his life reflected back. Finally he came to the final stage of his mural. The finishing touch to complete it all. He drew slowly a line to connect each and everyone. A web was formed that brought tears to his eyes. But upon the completion of his web he saw what he had done. The sketches took life and he could see each member as if standing beside them all. They all traveled along their own webs. Through mountains their own. He could see their challenges and help guide them through. Even in rest he did not give up on his friends. He was at piece and happy. His Web was complete.

Goodbye dear friend WEB. You will be missed greatly. But even as we sit at our computers or walk through the mountains and valleys of life, we know you will be there with us. We know you will help us weave our own webs and in time will see you as well. We love you friend. Now go be at piece and remember that when you want to see us again just look at the mural. We will be here, just as you are here for us.

R.I.P. WEB
Beloved friend and fellow fan of The Crow


Stacie Smakal


I can't believe he's gone
So maybe I won't
So many ideas
And projects
And friends
And family
And now he's gone
But legacy's live on
And ideas
And friends
And family
Continuing forever on
I've scanned the heavens
For that newest star
And found a bright one
I've never seen before
Or maybe didn't see before
But it's here now
Burning on for eternity
For thousands of generations more
Like ideas
And friends
And family
Lagacy's and love last forever
While hearts may ache
And memories bring tears of all kinds
Nothing can steal forever.


XvXDestinyXvX


Crow Reunion

A friend is gone and it
      hurts badly.
But with our loss must
      know that on this
      sad night,
Heaven has gained an
      angel.
With his silvery wings
      and crow paint upon
      his face,
He awaits our reunion on
      the golden streets
      above.

By: XvXDestinyXvX
      April 16, 2002


Deaderman (aka


I hope he has found his way home
I knew him a bit but not as much as I should
taken from us by demons who sought to derail him
he defended his opinion valiantly
Fire Of Passions he read
gave his thought....I gave nay to his word then
but now I see he was defending what he believed in
Share your space with HIM, and D
But if I have anything else to say
please help me to become as good as you were
let me continue your journey as a tribute to you
My fellow Brother Crow.
I will never forget you nor will anyone else.
May you fly with angels and converse with crows
And to sum it up, fly forever.

art by WEB


Eric "The Salem Crow" Darrah


Life is precious.
We all know this,
But it usually takes something
Drastic to make us
Realize it.

I sit here now,
Thinking about a friend.
Someone whom I did not know
In flesh and blood;
Yet someone who I admired.

I never had a chance
To really get to know him;
And now it'll never happen.

All because of a drunk driver.

A person who thought
They could safely handle a motor vehicle,
Even after consuming a fair amount of alcohol.

Because of that arrogant attitude,
We lost:
A friend;
A brother;
A son;
A writer;
An artist;
A good soul;
More importantly;
We lost an innocent human being.

We'll never:
See another new piece of artwork,
Read any new stories,
Have another passionate conversation,
We'll never… see…Beau…again…

Rest in Peace my friend…
May your soul soar with the enchanted ones…

Eric "The Salem Crow" Darrah

art by Salem Crow


T.A. Gorton aka tWISTEd sPINe


Best I Can Do

I begin my day
From bed, to hall, to bathroom sink.

I wake to all my dreams
Not yet come true.

The ambitions of my life
Resting on shelves like dusty trophies.

This waking to possibility,
It may be the best of life.

Not knowing but hoping…

And I see your art on the wall,
A little piece of you in my world.

Your hands, your passion, your vision,
And its enough to make me scream.

Your days of infinite possibility are gone now.
Your dreams will sit untouched. Forever.

I reach up to dust the idea of becoming an author.

And how I wish I could reach to YOUR perfect dreamer's trophy;
Dust it for you,
Make it real,
Bring you back,
Fuse this world with every hope you ever had.

But I can't.

All I can do is push on,
Push through
To my own vision of perfect.

And when I get there,
I'll share my trophy with you,
With your memory,
With everything you meant to this world.

This is the best I can do.

       - tWISTEd sPINe


also read...
DAILY LOGIC: Don't Drink And Drive

Daily Logic #59 | 04.04.02

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE

I just found out…a friend of mine has died.

A creative soul.

You see, there was this drunk driver…

God damn.

You wake up and you breathe, you walk, you smile at sunlight falling across the floor. And all along, a friend has been taken away. Their life stolen.

You see, there was this fucking drunk driver…

And then I remember, like a punch in the face. I have driven a car after drinking too. I've emerged into a crisp 2am night, feeling alive and buzzing with the colors of invincibility. I have strutted down sidewalks cackling the jive of poison, loving the stars and the bodies in motion on either side. Out with friends. Drumroll please, key the rock n' roll soundtrack for a rebel with no brain.

Let's drive home. Fuck the cab. I spent all my cash on screwdrivers and bad juke box music.

Let's drive home.


I have killed my friend. Not directly. I mean, I wasn't behind the wheel of the metal beast that took his life. But I've done the evil deed. I've taken the wheel in my hands and put my foot to the pedal knowing it was wrong.

It could have been me. I'm guilty.

I just found out…a friend, this great creative mind…he has died.

You see, there was this drunk driver…

Its like, you blink and click a button and suddenly you read an email telling you that someone has passed away. You read that message over and over, and you just can't believe it. Its not REALLY the person you know.

Because, he was an incredible talent, he gave of his creative energy freely. He rendered these spectacular and original images. He was passionate about life, and discussed everything with an intensity some might call madness. He had all these ideas, and projects coming to life. So much. So much.

Yeah. Him. He's gone now. No more.

It could have been me, that time I got behind the wheel after drinking too much.

How can I forgive myself???

I'm gonna miss him.

SO MUCH.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Known online as WEB, Beau will be greatly missed. He had a great deal to offer this world, and below are just a very FEW of the things he has done. Enjoy them, and remember…don't take this life for granted. If there is something you want to do, DO IT NOW…don't wait.

WEB'S WORK:

First page of Cemetary Girl

Burning Times at C3

Incredible Western Crow Concept!!

Very Emotional Piece


I could post much much more...and who knows what incredible work WEB would have gone on to create? I can't believe he is truly gone. I hope beyond hope that I'm able to see you when I leave this world...not sure what's out there after death but if there is ANY justice, you are kicking back and looking down at all us poor bastards from somewhere much better.

Tribute to WEB
Viewing entries 1 - 5 of 32 entries
  Posted On: September 01, 2002 08:00:05 PM

 Name: Just someone who ran across the site...
 How did you know WEB?: I didn't.
 Words to WEB:: Just when you think you have a grip on things, you find someone else who was wonderful taken away by a careless, selfish individual...and it makes you angry...
i'm sorry this happened, i wish i could make it better for everyone involved.
  Posted On: August 29, 2002 06:35:45 PM

 Name: Black Arachnia
 Email: gmskinner@panam.edu
 How did you know WEB?: I know him only through what i have read on this sight. But i too know the pain of loss. Even though I never met him. I am still saddened by his death.
 Words to WEB:: I'm sorry I never met you.
  Posted On: August 04, 2002 10:47:45 PM

 Name: Katie Daniel
 Email: eibhy@yahoo.com
 How did you know WEB?: I met Beau in 1995 at an SCA event. And I got to know him pretty well from that date onwards... He was a great man, and a great friend.
 Words to WEB:: I still miss you, Beau. Hope you've found a better world up there and you're looking down on all of us, smiling.
  Posted On: June 23, 2002 01:49:19 AM

 Name: Chris
 Email: darkdraven3@yahoo.com
 How did you know WEB?: I really didn't know him. Just some of his work.
 Words to WEB:: It really sucks that you had to go. Never will we know the full vastness of your mind. Something we all would have loved to see.
  Posted On: June 03, 2002 10:13:03 PM

 Name: Dream Dancer
 Email: dark_angel592002@yahoo.ca
 How did you know WEB?: i didn't
 Words to WEB:: Rest in peace dude. hope ur killer
goes 2 http://www.muddaf***inhell.ca

Peace out
Dream.
Home
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FICTION and POETRY

WEB was not only a tremendous artist, his talent with words is equally impressive. In this section you can explore his fictional works and poetry.

:::FICTION:::

Man Who Laughs (at CFFA)

Nevermore (at CFFA)

Man Who Laughs

by W.E. Burton   (weburton@yahoo.com)


FORWARD: THE CEMETERY GIRL
"I like my crow, she whispers secrets in my ear." -McMurtry-

My name is Romie. Romie the clown, bonified dead girl.
That's right. You heard correctly, dead. Deceased. Maggot munchies. Taking the twenty-four hour dirt nap, as Victor would have said.

I was nine years old when I first met the crow. That was fifteen years before Loki, and Mangus. Fifteen years before my sweet friend crawled from the warm euphoria of heaven it's self, and followed the crow to Earth. He did it for my sake, even though it would bring him no comfort what so ever.

Memories are cheap here. And the memory of that winter when I was nine, come wafting back to me like the scent of your first sweethearts perfume.

I spent the winter holidays with my cousins that year. They were a year or so older than me. My dad's nieces, little blonde girls, that bared as little resemblance to me in philosophy as they did in appearance.
That winter they were caught in the grip of a boy hysteria, that wouldn't inflict me until I was fourteen, and never with such ferocity.

My dad encouraged me to play with them, and I tried. They, mostly ignored me, however. I would plod along behind them as they discussed which of this months teen idols was the cutest. Who had the prettiest hair, which one they would marry when they were eighteen and he was thirty-five. I had no opinion, so I kept to my self, preferring to become lost in my own thoughts, my little girl hopes and dreams.

That day our wanderings took us near an old cemetery. A rundown little place, full of forgotten lives. It put me in mind of a Halloween cardboard cut out, a gnarled tree in the background, a friendly ghost peaking out from behind a leaning tombstone as if to say, "Just us ghosts here, don't mind us."

I was instantly fascinated. I left my cousins to there discussions and explored the little graveyard. I looked at nearly every grave marker, and found nothing particularly interesting. I was about to leave when I noticed a young woman sitting beneath a tree just outside the cemetery gate.

She was beautiful, but strange. Her skin was the color of ash, and I thought I could see ice crystals forming in her dred locks.
She had a little smile painted in black over her mouth, and a single tear drop, also in black, was painted just beneath one eye.

The girl was oddly dressed for winter, in a tank top and jeans. Her feet were as bare as your bottom when the doctor gave you that first swat. The crow pecked randomly at the frozen ground between her feet.

I watched her for a little while, but she didn't seem to notice me. She had a faraway look in her eyes. Every once in a while she would smile to herself, as if catching one of those cheap memories as it floated listlessly by.

"Are you ok miss?" I asked to draw her attention.
She snapped toward me, startled out of her reverie. She smiled when she saw me.

"I am now, I think." Said the cemetery girl.
"What are you doing in the cemetery?" I asked.
"I'm waiting for someone." she replied a little wistfully.
That answer satisfied me, and I looked at her feet again.
They didn't appear red or swollen like feet should be if they were exposed to the winter elements.

"What happened to your shoes?" I asked staring at her toes.
She looked at her feet also, and shrugged.
"I didn't come with any I guess."

You came with pants, I thought, but didn't mention it. I was curious about the crow.
"Is that your bird?" I inquired of my odd new acquaintance.
The crow cawed in reply, and flew up into the branches of the tree.
"Well, she doesn�t belong to me. She's just my friend I guess." she answered.
Wow. A crow for a friend. I smiled at the thought.
"What's her name?" I asked.
"I dunno. I call her Corby. She doesn�t seem to mind that." Said the strange girl.

I frowned. Corby wasn't a good name for a crow, especially a girl crow.

The cemetery girl stood and stretched. I could hear her bare feet crunching the frozen ground beneath them.
"You sure ask a lot of questions." she observed.
"My dad says I'm very inquisitive." I said, realizing it was my first non question statement.

"Well he's right about that." she smiled. "But that's a good quality for a girl. It proves you're willing to learn."

We were both silent for a moment. That faraway look returned to the cemetery girls face, and I contemplated the ground between my Keds.

"What are you doing in the cemetery?" she asked me.
"Just looking around." I shrugged.
"You aren't here by your self are you?." she asked with a twinge of concern.

"Naw" I said. I gestured vaguely in the direction my cousins had wandered. "My cousins are back there somewhere."
I heard my cousins calling for me then. I had disappeared and they were looking for me. They knew I existed after all.

I turned toward my cousins' little girl voices, and saw them just entering the cemetery. When I turned back to the cemetery girl, she was gone.
I stood there looking at the spot she had recently vacated until my cousins joined me.
We walked home, and I didn't mention the girl with the crow.

I grew up and forgot about the cemetery girl for the remainder of my short life.
But the image of Victor walking down a deserted road in that oversized rain coat he seemed to come equipped with, brought it back to me after death.
His ashen face painted with black marks not that dissimilar to the girl's. A ghastly grin slashed into his face by a psychotic's knife, the crow perched on his shoulder.

Memories are cheap here, as I have said. Cheap because they're all you have.

I VICTOR

"I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all, I wish it from myself." -McVee-

I believe love comes in many forms. No one any more or less important than the last. I wish I could have convinced Victor of that. I loved him as much, in some ways more, than my fianc�e. But romantic love carries with it a strange, not unpleasant, desire.
It drives some people to murder, others to sacrifice. Victor held that kind of love for me, and in a way, it led him to both. To Victor, it was the only love.

In medieval literature, it's called courtly love. A love, though unattainable, that instills in it's sufferers, a fanatic devotion. Many a knight died for a woman they knew they could never have.
In this way Victor died for me. My stygian knight, who stepped out of the darkness of death to avenge the wrongs done to me, because he couldn't do it in the light of life.

I met Victor when I was nineteen. The year I started college. He seemed to be the brooding type. Tall, shaven headed, ice blue eyes looking back at you from his, solemn, sensitive, face.

He was more kind, and more gentle, than any one I have ever known. It hurts me to think of how Loki and Mangus, killed that in him.

From the first he bore a fierce loyalty to me. A loyalty I have often wondered if I deserved.
There was an attraction. That much is certain. But like I have said, there is that pleasant desire that comes with romantic love, (the real thing, not the sexual kind), and I loved someone else. That's what hurt Victor more than anything else. I didn't share that pleasant desire with him.

Victor and I died the night I told him I was getting married. I guess I never told him really, he figured it out himself.
My fianc�e, Craig, had proposed a month earlier. We had just graduated from college and he couldn't afford a ring. But the intention was there, and that's what is important.

I put off telling Victor because I knew what it would do to him. I was dating Craig, though casually, when Victor and I met, so he was comfortable with the idea of me being with someone. But engagement was a different story all together.
Victor harbored a tiny hope that I would forget about Craig one day, and share my pleasant desire with him.
The news of my engagement would crush that little hope, and Victor himself most likely.

When I became engaged, I was tending bar at a night club. Victor would come in once a week like clock work, to visit me on my dinner break. I didn't mind. I enjoyed it actually. I didn't get to see him much at the time because I spent most of my time with Craig, and seeing us together was uncomfortable for Victor.

He came in that night looking a little forlorned. He let go only reluctantly when I hugged him.
"Sheesh, you look so sad." I observed.
"I guess I am. A little." he said.
"What's wrong?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"I'll tell you later, maybe." he said and brushed the hair away from my face. He did that sometimes. It was an affectionate gesture I was never very comfortable with. I'm not sure why. It made me feel a little guilty I guess.

I was beginning to think it wasn't the time for my news. But I had put it off to long as it was, and judging by how he was acting, he knew already.

"I have something to tell you." I said.
"You're getting married huh?" said Victor, staring into his drink.

I smiled. "How did you know."
"I'm psychic remember." he said looking at me. The sadness leaving his face for a moment.

"Sure." I said grinning.
"It wasn't that hard to figure out Romie." he said.
"You've been walking on egg shells around me for a month. I figured something was up."

Most likely one of our mutual friends had told him, even though I had asked them not to. He was protecting whoever it was. That was so like him.

"What else could you be so reluctant to tell me." He said sipping his drink. "Considering my sick obsession."
"The sick obsession" was how Victor chose to refer to his love for me, when he chose to talk about it at all. He didn't very often, because he thought it would make me uncomfortable.

"I don't want to give you the creeps." he would say. It didn't give me the creeps at all. I was grateful for his affection. It made me feel wanted. And that was something I rarely felt.

"It isn't sick." I told him that night. I avoided his eyes and began to play with a napkin. "Just unusual."
"Unusually sick." He said and smiled at me.
I smiled back. It was a joke so I didn't argue.
We were silent for a moment. He contemplated his drink. I contemplated my rapidly disintegrating napkin.

The silence was broken when I was hit in the back of the head with an ice cube. I grabbed my head and turned to see who threw it.

Loki. If you are female, and have tended bar, you know Loki. Not him specifically, but the regular customers like him. He was a blonde, redneck, arrogant asshole. The worlds perfect asshole, who can't keep his hands off you, and who takes it as a personal affront that you don't want to jump into the sac with him.
I had rejected the greasy slime I know not how many times. His advances became increasingly disgusting with each fresh attempt. I often wondered if he actually thought turning up the lewdness, would soften my resolve.
Why certainly Loki. I would love for you to ass fuck me. And you know why? Because you were polite enough to offer.

There he sat. Bigger'n life. His limp blond hair hanging over his forehead in lumps. And his loyal loser friends at his sides, more than happy to applaud his abhorable behavior.

Flaco. The fat yes man. They called him Flaco (border Spanish for skinny) because he was anything but skinny. And he never got the joke. The back of his neck looked like pack of bratwurst. Pale and greasy. If you slapped Flaco across your favorite silk shirt you'd have to throw it out. Even the stain fighting power of Ultra Tide would have trouble with that one. All in all a disgusting individual, he had no personality of his own.
His every thought and opinion dictated by whoever he happened to be hanging with at the time. He unfortunately opted to share company with the likes of Loki.

And Loki's right hand. Mangos. Mangus was hopelessly infatuated with himself, and he expected you to be as well. Probably because most women he knew were, in one way or another. He was good looking, I admit that.
He was constantly fussing with his brown hair, which he wore to his waist. His features were chiseled, but there seemed to be a coldness lurking behind his Grey eyes. Many women, I'm sure, would find it attractive. Exciting, a little dangerous. I found it threatening.
Scary almost. I couldn't stand to have him look at me.
Victor stood up and faced Loki. He looked angry, an emotion I had rarely seen in him.
"What the fuck was that?" He said, glaring at Loki.
"That was ice, to keep the bitch cold." said Loki.
Flaco burst into laughter. A sickening "hork hork" sound, that shook his belly, making it roll and sway.
"Keep the bitch cold." he repeated between throws of hilarity.
Mangus stood up, glaring at Victor with his cold eyes. Loki waved him down and stood up himself, though unsteadily. Loki was drunk.
"Who do you think you're talkin to Que. ball." He got in Victor's face.
I called for the bouncers, and they came at an uncomfortably slow pace.
"I think I'm talking to a drunk red neck sack of shit." Victor said. "I'm right aren't I." he added almost innocently.
Loki took a swing at him. Victor side stepped and gave him a little push. Loki dropped, almost slowly, to a sitting position on the floor.

"Sit down asshole. Clear your head." Victor told him.
By then the bouncers had come. They escorted Loki and his minions out of the club. And in a few minutes the encounter was mostly forgot.

I asked Victor to stay for the rest of the shift so we could talk some more, and an hour or two later we left the club together.

II VAINITY
"Freezing feeling, breath in-breath in, I'm comin back again." -Sully & Robbie-

Cheap memories, like cheap stereo equipment, have a tendency to break, if you don't care enough to send the warranty in. We tend to forget things we don't care to remember, even here. I thank god for that.

I've forgotten, or blocked out, the most dreadful things that happened after Victor and I left the club that night. What Mangus did to me with his knife, and what Loki did with his body, I have forgotten. Thank god. I learned those facts second hand, as I watched Victor go about his grisly mission.

I remember what Mangus did to Victor, unfortunately. They must have ambushed us. I recall leaving the club, talking to Victor.
The next thing I remember seeing is Victor crawling along the ground toward me. His stomach bleeding, leaving a trail of blood, from where he initially fell. Mangus went to him with that ungodly knife.
"What's the matter Que. ball? You don't look happy." He told my friend, before he slashed the corners of his mouth into that sick grin. Victor looked as if he was laughing. Ha! I've been gutted, and they're doing, god knows what horrible things to my friend. What could be funnier?

"That's better now isn't it." Mangos said, and left my line of sight. I could hear Loki laughing above me. I half expected to hear that ugly "hork hork" sound of Flaco's laughter, but I heard nothing from him, even though I knew he was there.

And then I saw the crow. It came from no where, and landed in front of Victor, blocking me from his line of sight. It fidgeted for a moment, ruffling it's feathers. Then I heard it whisper.
"Don't look Victor." It said in a soft, comforting voice. "It won't help her if you look."
But he did look. And I could see the pain, his and my own, in those unusual eyes. Tears welled in his eyes and poured down his cheeks, but he made no sound. That grotesque side show grin, mocking his true emotions.

And there my cheap memory broke again. The next thing I remember is lying there next to Victor. He had crawled to me. I could hear Loki, Mangus and Flaco arguing behind us. The crow was gone.

"Victor I'm cold." I said. But I don't remember feeling it. He crawled closer to me and put his arms around me. A vain attempt to keep me warm, as the heat of life slowly ebbed from his own body.
"I'm sorry Victor." I said, but he didn't answer. He was already gone.

Craig and I had our problems. We were on again off again for years. The off again times were delightful for Victor. He would try to be concerned and understanding. But I know he was secretly pleased. I didn't fault him for that. I'm sure, if our positions were reversed, I would do the same. That pleasant desire again.

One of the off again times came around Halloween of our sophomore year in college. Victor asked me to go to a party with him, and I accepted.
I went with Victor mostly because I wanted to, but partly to make Craig jealous, I'm ashamed to say.
It's one of those times I questioned if I was deserving of Victor's loyalty. I used him. I figured if he knew that, he would have been destroyed. I confessed to him one day when I was feeling guilty.
"I know." he said, smiling at me without the slightest anger in his face.
"You're psychic right." I said feeling ashamed.
"Yeah." he said. "It doesn�t matter Romie. I was just happy you were there with me."
He was so forgiving. Forgiving of anything, unless it caused me discomfort.
We went to the Halloween party as clowns. I was the sad clown, he was the happy clown. Victor appreciated the irony in that. He considered me to be perpetually happy, himself to be perpetually sad.

Victor painted our faces. For me, a bright red frown over my mouth, little blue tear drops beneath each eye, and a vast red polka dot on my chin. Romie the clown. Tearful prankster, friend to all.
For him, a bright red smile, red spots on each cheek, and a matching red polka dot.

He must have remembered that. He filled out the warranty for that cheap memory. When he appeared on that deserted rural road, in his inexplicable, over sized, rain coat, his face was painted in a grim imitation of my Romie the clown make up.
The tears were in black, and the polka dot on the chin as well. The frown was now a smile, the scars left by Mangus' knife.

I can't tell you why I there. Just that I was. I tried to make him see me, but he couldn't, so I just followed him. He walked down the middle of that road, the crow flying out infront of him, a determined expression on his face.

We finally came to a house. A cheap two story job. There was a dismantled thunderbird on blocks in the yard, and car parts scattered willy nilly about the place.

Victor stopped, looking at the house. The crow flew to the roof and looked down at Victor. Victor appeared reluctant.
"Second thoughts?" whispered the crow.
"No. But I'm scared." Said Victor.
"Fear is food for courage Victor." quoth the crow.
Victor spent a moment contemplating his boots, (which he came with by the way). "I don't know if I can."
"You can." said the crow. "Remember, and you can."
Victor gathered his courage and mounted the short steps to the front of the house. He pushed the door open and entered, followed by the crow, and myself.

The house was dark inside, and the smell of motor oil seemed to saturate the place. The crow flew out ahead of us, up the stairs. victor followed at a slow pace.

I could hear Mangus when we reached the top of the stairs. He was making primal sounds, the kind that could only mean one thing. Mangus was fornicating. The sounds made by his partner were muffled as if her face was buried in a pillow.
"Yeah..." I heard Mangus say. "That's what you want."
Victor smirked and shook his head from left to right. He heard it too.
I followed Victor to the door from whence Mangus' could be heard. He pushed the door open a little ways, and the crow flew in. Mangus and his companion didn't seem to notice. Mangus' back was to us, and as I thought, his chubby partners face was in the pillow.

"Knock knock." Victor said loudly.
Mangus jumped and turned toward the door. "Who's there?" he shouted. The girl squirmed.
Victor laughed, that sweet laugh I knew so well.
Mangus jumped out of the bed fumbling for a pistol that was on the knight stand. The girl scrambled to cover herself. When he had the pistol he pointed it at Victor who had stepped into the room.

"I'm the man who laughs." Victor said.
"You don't fuckin say." was Mangus' charming reply.
"Lose the girl Mangus, so we can talk." said Victor.
"Fuck you!" Mangus said, and fired the pistol.
The chubby girl screamed and left the room wrapped in a sheet. The bullet caught Victor in the upper thigh. A wide spot of blood was beginning to spread out from the wound. Victor didn't seem to notice. He watched the girl run from the room.

"I thought you could do better than that, Mangus." Victor said when he turned back to the man with the gun.
"Holy shit..." said Mangus.
"She's kinda chunky..." Victor said stepping a little closer. "...for a world class stud such as yourself. Don't you think?"

Mangus fired the pistol again, this time catching Victor directly in the guts. Victor stepped forward and slapped the pistol out of Mangus' hand. He grabbed Mangus by the throat. The crow began to caw, and flap it's wings. Mangus didn't notice, though the noise was distracting.

"Guns don't make you invincible." Victor said, glaring into Mangus' cold eyes. "Only death can do that."
Victor shoved Mangus away. "You have something I want Mangus."
"Oh no pal..." Mangus said reaching beneath his pillow. "You aint gettin my fuckin corn bread."
Victor laughed a "what does that mean?" laugh.
Mangus produced his knife from beneath the pillow and attacked Victor.
Victor tried to defend himself but he was no fighter. Mangus stabbed him in the guts a half dozen times and slashed his throat.
The crow continued it's protestations. Cawing, flapping, flying from side of the room to the other. I could do nothing, I could only watch.

Mangus finally lodged the knife in Victor's collar bone, and Victor got in a lucky shot that sent Mangus tumbling over the bed.

There was an expression of rage on Victors face as he went around the bed after Mangus. He stopped suddenly, seeming to notice the knife sticking out of his shoulder for the first time. His expression of rage changed to one of annoyance. He plucked the knife out, and dropped it on the floor.

There he was. His pale face painted in dark clown make up, a half dozen, bleeding knife wounds in his belly. A gash as long as you credit card statement running across his throat. And ya know what? He was still coming.

Mangus figured it out.
"Jesus H. God." he said. "It's you."

Victor grabbed him by the throat and flung him at the opposite wall. There was an audible crunch, broken ribs I guess. Mangus slid to the floor and immediately began coughing foamy blood. A punctured lung maybe. The crow cawed one last time, and fell silent pecking at something on the floor.

Victor got down close to him. "As I was saying, you have something I want Mangus."
"The...(cough)...war lance." Mangus said. "In the closet."
There was only one little closet in the room, with full length mirror on the door. Victor went to it.
"I can have anyone...(hack)...I want you know." Mangus said.
"What?" victor said opening the closet door.
"Vicki, you said...(hork)...she was chubby." Mangus continued.
Victor rolled his eyes as he rummaged through the closet. "That's right Mangus. You're so purty."
Victor found the war lance. A little stick about four feet long, topped with a crude stone spear head. Tied to the stick, were a bakers dozen human scalps.
"Jesus." Victor said under his breath. He brought the lance to Mangus. "Which one is it Mangus."
Mangus plucked one scalp off the lance and handed it to Victor. He took it and tensed up. Staggering back a couple of steps. He closed his eyes tightly. When he opened them, tears flooded his face.
"Who are they Mangus?" Victor asked.
"I don't know man." Mangus said. "Runaways, hookers some of them."

Victor stared down at Mangus. Then seeming to suppress a gag he turned away. He saw himself in Mangus' mirror, that look of rage returning. He went to the mirror and smashed it with his fist, returning to Mangus with a long shard.

"Why?" he asked.
"I liked their hair." Mangus said.
"Pretty, like yours, right Mangus?" said Victor venomously.
"What the fuck man...(cough)...they're human waste. No body fuckin cares."
"You did that to my friend, Mangus." Victor said quietly. "I fuckin care."
"She...had it coming." said Mangus with a cough. "You and her made a fool of Loki."
Victor stared at him, the rage and hatred leaving his face. Now he just looked tired.
"One more thing before you go Mangus." he said softly.
"Where am I going?" Mangus asked.
Victor didn't answer. "Where did you put her Mangus?" he said.
"Is she with the others from the lance?"
"No man. Flaco knew a place." Mangus said. "He and Loki took her...I don't know where."

Victor leaned in to him with a sigh. "I'll have to talk to Flaco then." He took a fist full of Mangus' hair. "This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me." he said.

I had to turn away when he scalped Mangus with the mirror shard. The crow began flapping and screeching again as Mangus screamed.

When Mangus fell quiet, Victor dropped the bloody scrap of flesh and hair into it's owners lap and left. The crow came to land on his shoulder, and I followed them down the stairs.

What he had done shocked me. I understood it, but I was still shocked. The Victor I knew in life would have been sickened to even hear of such a thing.

The chubby girl had left the house naked apparently. She left the sheet she was wearing on the door step. Victor found it and began ripping it into strips. He sat down on the floor and began binding his still bleeding wounds with the ribbons of cloth.

I sat down next to him and watched him do it. I sensed regret in his poor disfigured face. Regret for what he had done to Mangus? Regret for what Mangus had forced him to do? The crow fidgeted nervously on his shoulder."I told you, you could do it." It said finally.
"Leave me alone, ok." Victor said.
The crow seemed to shrug and flew off upstairs, to peck at Mangus I imagined.
As I sat there with Victor, he bagan to weep. I wept with him.

III YORICK
as poor Yorick, I knew him well Horatio." -Shakespeare-

Top five advantages to being a ghost girl, in no particular order.

1) Walls, fences, hedges, any kind of physical barrier present no obstacle what so ever. Remember when Casper used to float through walls?....there you go.
2) No pain, not the physical kind anyway. It's pretty hard to hurt someone who is already dead. Not to mention someone who can walk through walls.
3) You don't have to shave your legs. Nuff said.
4) No taxes.
5) You can become part of someone. See what they see, feel what they feel, think what they are thinking, share dreams with them. Nothing is more helpful if you are trying to understand a person.

I discovered number five by accident. After Victor finished with Mangus, and bandaged himself with the strips he made from the sheet Mangus' portly girlfriend had left, he laid down. Right there on the cold wood floor of Mangus' loathsome house, he fell asleep.

I laid down with him. I cuddled up to him as I had done a few times before, when we were watching television on his couch, before Craig and I became exclusive. I imagined it would have been some small comfort to him. I was hurting for my sweet friend.
Why had he come here? In life he never entertained thoughts of revenge. I didn't think that was it, I couldn't imagine murdering our murderers would relieve any pain at all for him.

I tried to touch his face, but my hand passed through him as easily as it would a wall. I caught in my mind a brief disjointed swatch of his dream.

Victor and I had a mutual friend. Misha was her name. I knew her a while before she and Victor met. The two of them became fast friends after I introduced them.
I had entertained a vague hope that she and Victor would hit it off and become more than friends.
Not that I wanted to get him off my back you understand, but it would have been nice to see him happy.

It was a vain hope of course. Victor reserved that pleasant desire for me, no one else would do for him. I wonder now how long it would have taken for him to get over me, had Loki and Mangus given him the chance.

Misha met a nice guy named Adam, and after a short courtship, they became engaged. I was a bridesmaid, and Victor attended the wedding, though reluctantly, as a friendly gesture for Misha.

I remember seeing Victor during the ceremony, looking dreadfully uncomfortable. He was imagining me, I think, standing there with Craig, professing our eternal love for each other, and anticipating all the little joys and discomforts our life together would bring. It must have been rough for him.

After the ceremony, when all the other guests were mingling, or dancing to the horrible music provided by the band, I spied Victor sitting alone at a table. He looked miserable. I walked over to him.

"Hey there." I said. "What are you doing over here all by yourself?"
"Just being anonymous I guess." he said.
"Do you want me to go away." I asked.
"No," he smiled. "I'm glad you came over."
I sat down next to him. He smiled at me and brushed the hair away from my eyes in that uncomfortable, affectionate way of his. He shook his head from left to right.

"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said. "You would just think I was hitting on you."
"That's ok." I said.
"It's ok if I hit on you?" he said with mock excitement.
"I guess so," I answered. "Craig isn't here." I smiled at him.
"Hey baby," he said in an Italian grease ball voice. "You so hot I could cook a steak over you."
We laughed at that, and talked for a moment, about how pretty the wedding was, compared to the awful band.
"Speaking of the band. Why haven�t you asked me to dance?" I inquired.
"Oh, I don't think you want to dance with me Romie." he aid. "I don't know how."
I stood up and offered him my hand. "That's ok. I'll teach you."

He took my hand reluctantly, and I led him to the dance floor. It was a slow song, and we danced close for a moment. He looked so happy. I smiled at him and rested my head on his chest, content to let him enjoy the moment.

This is what he was dreaming of. I saw us there on the dance floor, only now we were alone. No wedding guests, no bride, no groom, no family, only us.
I watched us dance for a few moments, before I became aware of another presence, something, sinister, and unwelcome.
Then it showed itself. A jester dressed in a black and white party colored coat hardy, a fleshless face staring out of a twin pointed cowl. It stepped out of no where and seized me by the hair, producing Mangus' knife.
It scalped me, bowing with a flourish, and waving with my scalp as if it were his hat.

My body vanished, and Victor dropped to his knees, screaming a silent scream. The jester marched off, highstepping like the drum major in some macabre parade. It twirled my scalp above it's head.

"Get a move on worm food." it said, the words pouring from it's mouth, slick and viscous, like blood from an open wrist. "This vacation doesn�t last forever."

Victor woke with a start, breaking our momentary bond. He drug himself to his feet, and the crow joined him as if on Que. Victor left the house. I followed him into the cold of the night, cold that neither of us could feel.

APATHY
oever hunts monsters, should see to it that, in the process he dose not become a monster." -Eric-

I had known Flaco since highschool. We rarely spoke. He chose to associate with people I didn't care for. What's sad is that those people didn't seem to like him at all. They would make fun of him behind his back, and play subtle jokes on him that he never seemed to get.

Like his unfortunate nick name. I have wondered a few times if I should have made him aware of the veiled indignities his so called friends wrought upon him.

But the truth is I didn't like him much, and I was content to let him be made a fool of. I'm sorry for that now I think. Could a little genuine encouragement and friendship have made him a better person? I think it could have, and I regret my treatment of him. I think now it was just as cruel, as the treatment given to him by the people he did call friends.

His pride and joy, his near reason for, living was an elaborately cared for pick up truck. The make and model I have chosen to forget. He had put a decal in the back window that read: Flaco's Bad Boy Toy. Flaco's bad boy small penis extenuation, Victor called it once.

He was driving his bad boy small penis extenuation when victor and I caught up to him.
We were walking down the road we started on, away from Mangus' house, when Victor spied Flaco in his beloved truck. He was driving toward Mangus' house, a set expression on his face.

Victor stopped and extended his hand, thumb out, in the direction Flaco was driving. Hey mister. Can I get a ride?
Flaco drove by without looking at Victor, but a few yards down the road he screeched to a stop. He turned and looked over his shoulder at Victor, who walked at a leisurely pace toward the vehicle.

I could see the expression of horror on his face. He knew Victor on sight. It was as if Flaco had been expecting him. He turned back toward to the road ahead, remaining parked for a moment as if considering what he should do next. Then he panicked, and floured it. Dirt and gravel spit out from beneath the tires, as he made a wild U-turn back at Victor. I'll run the creeper over, that's what I'll do.

Victor stood his ground as the truck sped toward him, leaping away only at the last second. Flaco's truck smashed head on into a massive tree at the side of the road.
Victor approached the truck casually. He leaned on the driver side door, looking in at Flaco, who was unconscious. After a moment he began to stir, coming to only slowly.

"Hi Flaco." Victor said with a smile. Flaco's eyes widened when he saw Victor. He began to whimper and squirm, in a vain attempt to escape. His legs were pinned beneath the crumpled dash.
"You smashed your truck up pretty bad Flaco." Victor said giving it a look over.
"Oh Jesus." said Flaco. "I dreamed of you. You and that fucking bird."
"Really?" Victor said raising his eyes in mock supprise.
"I was gonna make it right...." Flaco continued.
Victor's expression hardened. "What does that mean Flaco?" he said.
"I was gonna waste Mangus..." Flaco said, without a trace of fear. "an....and Loki" he continued, now terrified.
You should be more afraid of Mangus I thought, the image of that ghastly trophy stick shoving it's way into my mind.
"How thoughtful of you Flaco." said Victor.
A fire had started in the front end of the truck. I could smell gas I thought. Victor noticed the fire.
"Where is she Flaco? Where did you put her?"
"I didn't want to....you have to understand that." Flaco said, as the fire began to make it's way up toward the cab of the truck.

"Yeah sure." Victor said. "Where?"
"Otter creek." Flaco answered. "That old dam...no one would ever even look there."
"Cool." Victor said turning away.
"Wait, you aren't just going to leave me here?" said Flaco beginning to panic.
Victor turned back to him. "That's right Flaco. You let them hurt her, I let you die. It's called dramatic Irony. You should have paid attention in class."

"Jesus Victor. I didn't want her to get hurt." Flaco said. "I liked Romie....she was always nice to me."
I cringed. If he only knew.
"I was so scared....I didn't know what to do." continued Flaco.
Victor held his hand out to Flaco palm up, a "gimme gimme" gesture. "I sell my pity for a dime." he said.
"I'm sorry." Flaco said, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.
"Yeah." Victor said, and began to walk away.
I could smell, leather, plastic and Flaco's legs burning, as the fire became a roaring inferno.
"I was so scared." Flaco said, to himself this time. "I was so scared."
My heart began to break for Flaco.

Top five disadvantages to being a ghost girl. In no particular order.

1) You can't touch anything. Whatever it is that allows you to walk through walls, prevents you from touching anything, and anything from touching you. That means no affectionate brushing of the hair, no little kisses, no giving in to that pleasant desire. It means I couldn't help Flaco. Only Victor could do that now.
2) No one can hear you. Which means I couldn't ask Victor to help.
3) You're dead. Duh.
4) Regret. Endless regret, about things you could or should have done differently during your life. The regret I felt for mistreating Flaco, for instance. Regret to the point of distraction.
5) No one can see you.

Unless you try really hard. I fought my condition. I began to push my way through that unseen mist of death that held me back from the world of the living. God how I wished for a crow of my own to carry me there.

I stood in front of Victor, waving my arms and jumping up and down. He didn't see me. He just walked along, head down. Eyes filling with cold tears. Then he stopped.
Victor looked up. His eyes widened. He could see me. I stopped. I could se myself in his strange eyes. Romie the clown. Painted face, red , to cute for words, overalls with the bright yellow smiley face on the bib.

He could see me, but he couldn't hear me, so I pantomimed. I pointed at Flaco, and wiped away imaginary tears. He looked back over his shoulder. Flaco was silent, but still struggling to free himself from the burning vehicle.

Victor turned back to me, but I was gone from his mirror like eyes. He hesitated for a moment, then turned at a run to Flaco. He ripped the door off of the truck, flinging it behind him. He reached into the flames that were raging just beneath the dash board, and pried it up, freeing Flaco's pitiful legs.
He ripped the seat belt from around Flaco, and lifted him up carrying him to the side of the road, as the truck continued to burn. I could see the flesh of Victor's hands falling off in unspeakable slabs. Burned to the core, but not broken. Flaco looked up at him. "I'm sorry Victor. God, please believe me."
Victor looked down at him, feeling Flaco's burns but not his own. "I believe you Charles." he said. He laid Charles, Flaco to his so called friends, gently down. "I'm sorry too. Forgive me."
Charles nodded. Victor stood up. "I'll get help for you." Victor ran off seeking help. I stayed with Charles. Tried to comfort him, though I knew he couldn't see or hear me. I touched him. Or tried to. My hand passing through him as easily as yours would through still water. I could feel his pain. And it did me good I think. I heard his thoughts. He was thinking of Mangus, and Loki, and all his other waste of flesh friends throughout the years.

"He called me Charles." Flaco thought. The emotions connected to the cruel nickname he had embraced, came flooding to me. Sadness, self loathing, that sick feeling that comes with knowing you aren't accepted. If I like the name, maybe they will like me.

He knew. He knew what the name meant. I cursed myself. "I'm sorry too Charles." I said, and began to cry my ghost tears.

Never judge, my dad used to tell me. But if you must judge a man, judge him by what he becomes, not what he was in the past. The meaning of that lesson finally came home to me. And another lesson, one born of my own emotions.
Whatever the game is you are playing, mercy is never against the rules. Even if it costs you that celebratory pizza and beer at the end.

After a few moments I could hear the sound of ambulance sirens. I left Charles when the medics arrived, and rejoined Victor and the crow. He returned to Mangus' house, and used the remains of Vicki's sheet to bandage his scorched hands. He didn't take a nap this time. He just left when he finished, a thoughtful expression on his face. He left Mangus' house and paid a visit to my former fianc�e.

V CRAIG
"Dreams of loneliness, like a heart beat drive you mad. In the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost." -Nicks-

Victor and Craig were polar opposites. I think that gave Victor some distress during our brief friendship. To Victor, Craig embodied everything he could never be. Victor was self conscious, wracked with insecurity.
Craig was confident, self assured. Craig was athletic, active. Victor was a couch potato, preferring to avoid exercise when ever possible. I think he saw those qualities of Craig's as the qualities I wanted. That wasn't the truth really.
I never thought about what qualities I wanted. I can't really say why I fell for Craig instead of Victor. I don't think we have control over that pleasant desire. It bites us where it bites us. Victor could quote you chapter and verse about the biting habits of the southwestern pleasant desire.

The truth of the matter was that Victor could have been those things if he had given himself the chance. And Victor was many things Craig could never have been. Craig had a tendency to be thoughtless. Victor was ever thoughtful. Victor was poetic, romantic, (at times anyway). Craig wouldn't know romance if it was a dead fish, and you smacked him across the face with it.

I met Craig the summer after I graduated from high school. The summer before I met Victor. Craig was quiet, but not the sad quiet that afflicted Victor, more mysterious quiet. He hid his handsome face behind a massive red goatee.
I tried, I don't know how many times, to get him to shave it, but he wouldn't hear of it. What most impressed me at first were his eyes. They weren't as remarkable as Victors reflective blue ones, but interesting just the same. Beautiful, green and intelligent.

A few months before he asked me to marry him, Craig and I moved in together. It was a little rental house, not that dissimilar to the one we found Mangus in, painted a gaudy pink. We shared it with another couple, and it was a nice little home, as long as it lasted. Victor went there to visit Craig.

There is a big tree in the back yard, right across from the upstairs bedroom Craig and I shared. Victor climbed the tree, and sat in the branches, looking into the bedroom. He didn't say or do anything. He just sat there, looking thoughtful and sad. After a few moments, he climbed down and laid beneath the tree. He fell asleep I guess, like he did at Mangus' house, but I didn't join him this time. I went into the house to see Craig.

Ghost tears are funny things. They aren't tears in the conventional sense. I mean, you don't have a body, so you can't really cry. But the emotions are there, your face feels wet, and your eyes burn as if you really had eyes. I think we become so used to having a body in life that we make one for ourselves in our minds, after we die. If we aren't lucky enough to skip purgatory all together, and go strait to heaven like Victor did.

I cried my ghost tears when I saw Craig. He was sitting there at his desk, in the happy little room where we spent our too few moments together, crying tears of his own. I went to him and sat on the floor next to him, or floated slightly above it anyway.

"Hey you." I said, though he couldn't hear me. "I know you can't hear me, but I want you to know I still love you."
He only stared at something on the desk, and wiped the wet from his face.
"It isn't so bad here. Nothing hurts anymore." I lied, my ghost voice cracking a little. "I don't want you to worry about me."
I was silent a moment, not knowing exactly what to say.

Craig stood up and walked to the bed. He laid down on it and looked at the ceiling. I stood and looked at what was on his desk. A news paper clipping. A short article about Victor and I, with a picture of him looking happy for once, and one of myself before I cut my hair short.

"LOCAL PAIR STILL MISSING AFTER ONE YEAR" the headline read. "POLICE SUSPECT FOUL PLAY"

I went to Craig, and laid down with him, floating just above the bed. "I miss you buddy." I told him through my ghost tears. I wanted to touch him. To feel him once more. It pained me that I couldn't. But I had to try. I reached out, and touched him. Truly touched his face. My hand didn�t pass through this time. His face contorted as if he was in pain, feeling my touch and mistaking it for an all to real memory.

"Oh Romie." he said. He rolled over and turned off the light. I laid there with him for a while, weeping non existent tears, and floating above the covers as he slept. I touched him again, and shared his dreams. Dreams of making love to me, in this bed. And I wondered if a death's head fool, lurked somewhere in the darkness. But Yorick never came, and the dream went on it's sweet way.

I don't know how long I laid there, however long it was, it was to short. The crow came to the window, and pecked at the glass. I turned to it.
"Time is short Romie." it whispered sounding sympathetic.
I nodded, and it flew away. I turned back to Craig for a moment. "What ever happens buddy, don't stop believing." I whispered to him. "It's all true. Sometimes it just takes a while to get there."
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. Just a little one, and careful not to pass into him. He smiled a little in his sleep, and I smiled back.
When I came down stairs and rejoined Victor he was sitting on the back porch, silent in thought.
"We've got to go now, Victor." the crow said, perched in the branches of that big tree. Victor stood and walked slowly away.
I looked up at the crow. A crow for a friend, I smiled at the thought.
"Thank you." I told the crow.
"Don't thank me." It said. "Thank Victor, he knows you're here, even if he can't see you." It ruffled it's feathers again, and shuffled it's feet. "He wanted you to see Craig." at that it flew away and landed on Victor's shoulder.
I smiled, spreading my arms, pretending to be flying along with Victor, my friend, The Crow.

VI ARROGANCE
"So tear me open, make you gone, no more will you hurt anyone." -Hetfeild-

"She had it coming." Mangus had said. "You and her made a fool of Loki." As if that was a capital crime. In there minds I suppose it was. But in my mind, it was Loki, who made a fool of Loki.
Misha once talked me into taking a karate class. I advanced pretty fast, for what good it did me. I didn't stay in class for very long, on account of Loki.
I discovered on the first day, to my dismay, that Loki was a star member of the class. I stuck it out for nearly a year, thinking I could put up with Loki's lewd comments if I was learning something that would be good for me. I could have too, if it had just been the comments.

After a few months I was beginning to really enjoy it, and I was pretty good at it I thought.
When I made blue belt, Loki came over to congratulate me.
"Good work." He said shaking my hand. "You made that belt faster than I did."
I was shocked at his graciousness. I began to think there was something worth while under there after all. I was wrong.
The next week, and every week after that, he cornered me when it came time to spar, and beat the crap out of me.
"Keeping up with your training." he said. "Can't let you slack off now that you're advancing so quickly." Nice excuse. He couldn't stand it that I, the cold bitch, advanced faster than he had.

I quit the class not to long after that, and never went back. It soured me on the whole thing. Thanks Loki, for ruining something else I came to love.

I followed Victor and the crow to the night club I had been working at that night a year ago. The place was packed as usual for a Saturday night. I was shocked that no one reacted to Victor's appearance.

Pale, bandaged and bloody, horrible scars on his face, and a big black bird perched on his shoulder, yet no one seemed to notice him at all.
The bouncer only looked up briefly when we came in, then went back to hitting on a beautiful girl with pink hair and a nose ring.
We found Loki sitting alone at the same table he had been at that night.
"What's up Loki?" Victor said cheerfully, as he sat down at the table. The crow, hopped off of his shoulder and began pecking at the bowl of peanuts on the table. Loki didn't notice the crow at all.
Loki looked up from his beer and peered at Victor through his drunken haze. "Who the fuck are you?" Said Loki.
"I'm the enemy," Victor said. "in the enemy's now."
Loki laughed at that. I don't think he got it. Victor laughed too, humoring him.
"Why are you sitting all alone?" Victor asked.
"Are you trying to pick me up?" asked Loki.
"No, I'm just wondering why a popular guy like yourself would be sitting alone." Victor answered.
"Mangus was supposed to be here." Loki said, almost pouting.
"Well he better be dead then." Victor said.
Loki laughed again. And Victor laughed also. He motioned to the waitress and told her to bring another round.
Loki slapped him on the shoulder. "You're a good guy." he told Victor.
"I'm THE good guy." Victor said, and Loki laughed.
The waitress brought Loki's beer and he bagan to swill it immediately.
"Say Lok, I know where there is a great party happening." Victor said.
Loki looked up with interest. "You don't say?" he said.
"Yeah, you don't want to stay here do you? There's nothing happening." Victor said.
"I should probably wait for Mangus." Loki said.
"Forget Mangus," said Victor. �He's human waste.�
Loki slapped the table and looked up at Victor. "You know what? You're right. Who needs that guy anyway?"
"That's the spirit." Victor said with a smile.

Loki stood up, and Victor had to steady him or he would have fallen on his tail bone. Loki brushed him off. I can walk stupid. He staggered off shoving people out of the way, hollering "Get out of my way you Moe-rans."
He led Victor out to his all to flashy sports car. Loki's bad boy small penis compensation.
"Why don't you let me drive?" Victor said.
"What are you, the designated fucking driver?" Loki asked. "No, I just want to get behind the wheel of this machine." said Victor, lacking convincing enthusiasm.

Loki smiled and handed Victor the keys. They got in and drove to the dam at Otter Creek. I followed the crow, who went as the crow flies, (so to speak) and arrived before them.
"There aint no one here." Loki said when he arrived and stepped out of the car.
"We are kinda early." Said Victor.
The crow flew to his shoulder, and whispered in his ear, something I couldn't make out. Victor reached under the seat of the sports car, finding a huge revolver. He tucked it into his over sized rain coat, before Loki noticed.
"What is this place anyway?" Loki asked.
"You mean you don't recognize it?" Victor said with mock suprise.
Loki shook his head looking stupefied.
"This is where sadness breathes." Victor said leading Loki to the edge of the dam.
A look of realization dawned on Loki�s face. �Wait a minute...� he said.
Victor pulled the pistol out of his coat and pointed it at Loki. "You brought her here Loki, after you were finished with her."
Loki began to back up. "You too pal, I remember...this is fucked up.� he said. �You shouldn�t be here.�
"On your knees Loki." said Victor waving at him with the gun.
"Oh no..." Loki said.
"That's right, Loki, you remember. Just like you made her do." Victor spat.
"I'll bite your dick off before I suck it." Loki said, charming as ever.
Victor rolled his eyes. "Down!" he shouted. Loki dropped to his knees and Victor approached him. "Now open your mouth."
Loki did it, but reluctantly. Victor inserted the barrel of the pistol into Loki's mouth.

"That's it." Victor said, with a disgusted expression on his face. He began to slide the barrel in and out of Loki's mouth. The crow squawked and flapped it's wings as it had in Mangus' bedroom.

I began to feel ill, that unspeakable memory trying to shove it's way into my consciousness. I fought it back with difficulty.
"Are you ready for it?" he asked Loki who had began to sob. "Here it comes Loki, you know you want it."
Victor pulled the trigger. The top of Loki's head blew off in an unspeakable spray, his body flailing backwards into the stagnant water of the dam. Victor looked down at the corpse. "Booyah." he said without emotion.

Victor was silent for a moment. He just stared into the water, expressionless. Suddenly face distorted with hatred and disgust. He screamed and threw the pistol as far as he could. He dropped to his knees and began to sob. I went to him, I wanted to touch him, but I was reluctant to, afraid that the memory of what Loki had done to me would still be there, to fresh to ignore. I wept instead.

Victor laid down in the grass beside the dam, and crow flew to him. "It's almost finished Victor. You have to be brave." it whispered.
"I miss her." Victor said softly.
"I know you do. But she isn't for you. You knew that before you came." It said. "Finish this my friend, and give her peace."
Victor drug himself from where he was and waded into the still water of the dam, deep enough to dive.
I watched the water, waiting for him to emerge, the crow pecking the ground at my feet. Victor emerged carrying my body wrapped in sheets.

I knew then why he had come back, not for revenge, though that was part of it I suspect. It had been Victor's time, it had not been mine. I was restless because I had left things unfinished, because Craig, and I needed closure.
Victor had given up heaven, and come to Earth so I could rest, to give me my closure and my happiness. He gave up his place in heaven so I could have it. I wept my Zen tears for him.

He carried my body and laid it in the back seat of Loki's car, leaving me and the crow behind. He started the engine and drove away.
"What will happen to him now?" I asked the crow.
"He becomes like you." it said in that voice like a whisper. I went slowly back to town, my thoughts heavy on my sweet friend and his sacrifice.

AFTERWARD WHO WEEPS FOR THE MAN WHO LAUGHS?
"Draggin on so lonely, are you tired baby?" -Sully-

Top five misconceptions about ghosts, according to my observations anyway, in no particular order.

1) We can�t touch anything, but for some reason we can walk on solid ground. This isn�t true. We sort of float above the ground, just a fraction of an inch. Seems like we are walking though. Another trick of that self made, imaginary body. We are used to walking, so we go through the motions. At least I do.
2) All ghosts can change shape at will. We can thank Hollywood for that one. I don�t know why I appeared as Romie the clown. It just sort of happened. I had no control over it.
3) Ghosts aren�t aware of their condition. Uh uh. I didn�t need a medium to tell me I was dead. Believe me, I knew.
4) Ghosts are just magnetic energy. Um...hello?
5) Once a soul �goes toward the light� it can�t revisit Earth.


I think most of us get so caught up in the euphoria of Heaven that we choose to forget the living world even exists. Not me buddy. I miss Craig, and my family, so I come to visit once in a while.

I was buried a few days after my body was found. I hitched the first pair of wings I could catch and went to Earth for my funeral. It was pretty. A little pretentious for my taste, but nice. There were a lot more people there than I imagined.

Craig was there looking miserable. I found that the terrible sick sadness I felt when Victor took me to see Craig, at our house, had vanished. I loved him no less you understand, but I found the feelings more manageable. Kind of like how you eventually stop crying when you skin your knee. The pain is still there, but you�ve sort of grown accustomed to it.

I approached him and tried to touch him, to share his thoughts, but I had lost that ability. I�m not a ghost anymore, all the perks are gone. The problems however still remain. Souls like me, what ever I am now, aren�t really supposed to be on Earth, so to the living, we pretty much don�t exist.

Craig didn�t react to me in the slightest. I guess that�s ok though. It�s time for him to move on. I imagine one day he will marry a beautiful girl, and have beautiful babies, with those green intelligent eyes. I wish that for him. I really do.

My mom cried a lot, but seemed mostly relieved. A year without knowing will do that to you. After a while I think you just want it to be over with. My dad held her close and comforted her. More for his own sake than for hers I think. Men like to feel needed, and that�s ok. I love them for that.

After the funeral ended, I walked around the cemetery. I just looked at tombstones, exploring, like I had when I was nine, the day I met the cemetery girl. I wondered about her. Why had she chosen to let me see her, but booked it when my cousins came by. Foreshadowing maybe? Something in me set off a kind of ethereal radar that sensed tragedy even before it occurred, and she reacted. Or maybe it was because I was willing to except a half dressed homegirl with bare feet hanging out in a grave yard in the dead of winter, when my cousins never would. I�ll never know. Some questions do remain unanswered, even here.

By the time I made it back to my own grave, it had been filled. I ran my fingers over the marker, feeling the words carved into the stone.
Beneath my name and date of birth were these words: �I would rather die in a hurricane, than to never know the storm.�
I smiled. Craig�s doing no doubt. Then I heard a voice from behind me. Soft and familiar.

�Hello pretty girl.� I turned to see Victor. No rain coat, no bandages, no black paint, and most importantly, no scars. He stood there smiling at me. His lovely face perfect again.
�Victor.� I said beaming.
�I would give you a hug, but...you know.� he said with a shrug.
�Yeah I know. Kinda frustrating huh?� I said.
�You ain�t kidding sister. I really want that hug.� he looked genuinely disappointed. �I didn�t think I would ever see you again.�
I smiled at him. �I miss you.�
He swallowed hard, and began to cry his own ghost tears. �No shit?� he said.
�No shit.� I assured him. We were silent for a moment. He wiped his non tears.
�Thank you Victor.� I said.
He nodded. Looking off into the distance. �Anything for you.� he said, and I believed him.

Victor informed me that Charles was in the hospital, and healing just fine. He believed our portly acquaintance would be better for the experience and I agreed. If something good could come from all this violence, pain and death, then I applauded it.

We talked for a few more moments, then I had to go. I needed to catch a pair of wings back to cloud city, you remember.
I blew my ghost friend a kiss before I left. He smiled and waved, fading into nothingness.

I think about Victor often. I sometimes visit him, just to make sure he is staying out of trouble. It�s a hard thing to wonder the earth, not being able to share human contact. But he doesn�t complain. He says it is worth it, to know I�m at peace.

He never retrieved his own body, and it was never found. It lies there still, in the stinking water of that forgotten dam. Side by side with our tormentor.

I have hope for Victor. I know, one day, a vacancy will open in this five star hotel in the sky, and Victor will fill it. I tell him the same thing I told Craig. You have to believe. Because it�s all true. Whatever sweet things you hold onto. Sometimes it just takes a while to get here.

Nevermore

by Web Burton   (weburton@yahoo.com)


A SUGGESTION FROM THE AUTHOR. I need to mention before you begin, that this is a subtle sequel to 'MAN WHO LAUGHS'. So if you haven't read it, you may want to. 'NEVERMORE' does stand on it's own, but I do make mention of characters appearing, and events that took place in 'MAN WHO LAUGHS'. At any rate, I hope you enjoy...

NEVERMORE By W.E. Burton (May 2001)
Based on situations created by
James O'Barr


FORWARD:
CEMETERY SEX AND
OTHER CRIMES


"You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you." -William Shakespere-


Some of you may know me. My name is Rosemary Oshidori Dylanski. Romie to those who loved me. Once I was a girl, but I became a crow. You might ask how a girl becomes a bird? It's an unpleasant tale to tell.
When I was twenty four years old, my friend Victor, and I, were murdered by a pair of low life's, who perceived we had done them wrong. I became a ghost, and my friend returned from his wet grave, and sent our murderers to hell, where they belong.
I went on to heaven, when Victor finished his grisly task, but he stayed on Earth. A punishment to himself for taking lives, even though they deserved to be taken.
It has been ten years since that night, but I still come back from time to time, to visit Victor, and the other people I loved in my short life. I float down in my imaginary body, and walk unseen among the living. I relive my life, as much as I am allowed anyway.
I had come to earth this night to visit Craig, the sweet man who should have been my husband. His second child was born that night.
I saw his wife's struggle. I saw her tears.

Those forces pulling from the center of the earth. Can you feel it?
When it was over I watched Craig and his little family doting over the tiny new comer. A little girl who inherited her father's green intelligent eyes.
They couldn't see me of course, but it was enough to see him happy. He had finally let go of me completely. It was good for him, but the thought hurt me a little. I'm still learning to let go of him. It's easier to let go when there is something else to grab on to.

Craig brushed his wife's blonde hair away from her brow, and kissed her there. I remembered him brushing my dark hair away from my own brow so he could kiss me. It was a bitter sweet memory, but I didn't mind the bitter so much. It makes the sweet that much sweeter. I left the hospital room, and strolled out into the night, lost in thought.

I wandered into a cemetery, as is my habit. It's a symptom of my condition I think. My condition being death, as it is. It gives me comfort somehow. Color me morbid.

If you hang out in cemeteries long enough, you will observe some strange behavior. Odd religious rituals, unusual mourning practices, a lot of sex. Sex on top of some unsuspecting cadaver's roof. I always turn away when I see this. I feel guilty you see, because I once participated in that activity during my life. Is that sick? Sick? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.

When I heard Christina cry out that first time, I assumed this was what I was hearing. Some young woman surrendering to love's not unpleasant desire, on top of the grave of some long dead soul she would never know. I only wish that had been the truth of it.

I tried to ignore the sound at first, I imagined some horny couple balling on top of my grave, and the guilt returned. I couldn't ignore the sounds for long. They became insistent, the unmistakable sounds of terror.

I sought out the sounds, and I found Christina, being held down by two men. The memory of my own murder began to surface. I packed it down, having no desire to relive that particular inexpensive recollection.

"No!" Christina shouted. "Let me go!"
One of the men, a scrawny, scruffy looking guy with shaggy straw colored hair swept back from his gargantuan forehead, punched her hard in the guts. "Shut the fuck up!" he said. "There isn't anyone to help you out here."

Christina was immediately silent, the air forced out of her by her assailants punch. The second man, a well built guy with a goatee, put his hand over her mouth.
"Be quiet Christina." he said angrily. "You have this coming and you know it."
Tears were pouring out of Christina's eyes, she shook her head from left to right, as if to say, no, she didn't have it coming. She turned her brown eyes to the bearded man in a silent plea, as the scrawny guy lifted her shirt.

I wanted to help her. God knows. But one of the problems of being dead is that, unless you have special permission, you can't interfere with the affairs of the living. All I could do was watch, and hope it would end for Christina before it had ended for me.

It didn't. The scrawny guy took a firm grip on the little ear ring in Christina's belly button and yanked it clean out. She cried out behind the bearded man's palm, and more tears leaked from her pretty eyes.

"Are you gonna be quiet?" the scrawny man asked. Christina nodded. The bearded man let go. "Please Hatch..." she said quietly to the bearded man. "Sommer has nothing to do with us...let her go."

"Sorry sister." said the scrawny man. "She knows who we are. Don't worry though. Ache is gonna take good care of her." He took out a pocket knife and began to cut Christina open. She screamed and Hatch covered her mouth again. I turned away.

The sounds of it went on forever. I stood there, wishing I could help, but knowing all I could do was stay with her when it was over.
At one point I heard Hatch. "Jesus Christ, Scarecrow." he said. And I heard the sound of Scarecrow, the scrawny guy, laughing. Hatch left Scarecrow and Christina, and went behind a tombstone to vomit.

"C'mon Hatch." I heard Scarecrow say from behind me. "You fucking pussy." Scarecrow continued, under his breath now.

"Are you finished yet?" Hatch asked, sounding sick.
"Oh yeah." Scarecrow said. "She's all done."
I turned back to them reluctantly. I saw Christina lying on her side. Her insides lying on the ground next to her. I went to her, and knelt down beside her. I looked up at her killers.
"You're fucking animals." I said to them through my imaginary tears. They didn't react of course.
Hatch was staring down at Christina's body, a sick expression on his face.
Scarecrow slapped him on the back. "Are you gonna be sick again?" he asked.
"No." Hatch said, still staring.
"You were all for this earlier." Scarecrow said coldly. "Did you change your mind?"
"I didn't know you were going to do that." said Hatch indicating Christina's body.
Fresh tears were leaking from Christina's eyes, and she blinked once. Still alive but barely, all the fight gone from her body.
"You expected a clean execution....you should have specified." Scarecrow said and turned away. He hollered into the night. "Ache where the hell are you?"
There was a rustling to the left and a third man emerged from the darkness. He was dumpy, and balding, acne covered his baby like face.
"Quitcher yellin. I aint deaf." said the new comer. Ache I assumed.
"The brat?" Scarecrow asked.
Ache just grinned. It was a sickening sight.
"You both are fucked up. I didn't say anything about Sommer." Hatch said looking harassed.
"Two for the price of one, that's what I say." Ache smiled.
"Look Hatch," Scarecrow said. "We didn't know the kid was gonna be with her. We can't let her go telling anyone what happened to her big sister."
Hatch was staring at Christina again. "You didn't have to give her to..." he paused for a second and glared at Ache. "To...that."
Scarecrow and Ache both laughed at Hatch's discomfort.
"Are you sure you don't want us to take care of the boyfriend too?" Ache asked.
"No I think you did enough." Hatch said, irritated.
"Go get the brat." Scarecrow told Ache. The little bald man went skipping off in the direction he came. Actually skipping, like a child.
He returned a few moments later with a limp little girl draped over his shoulder. Every bit as pretty as her big sister, only not quite so mutilated. He dropped her roughly next to Christina, and the three of them left.

I went to the little girl. Sommer, they said was her name. I could hear her labored breathing, and see a sticky substance glistening on her face. Tears, I hoped.
How can the world be so wonderful, and so horrible at the same time. Wonderful because people like Victor, and my Craig have populated it. Kind and beautiful people, to whom the idea of causing pain is foreign and sickening. And horrible because causing pain is a religion to people like Ache and Scarecrow, and Hatch.

"Sometimes I hate this place." I whispered to myself as I sat there with the two beautiful, decimated girls. "You wish you could help them?" said a voice from behind me. I turned and saw a man dressed all in black, perched like a raven, on a cross shaped grave marker. He was beautiful, his skin was the color of snow, except for red lips. His black hair hung perfectly strait, to his shoulder blades. His eyes glimmered in there sockets, polished bronze.

"Who are you?" I asked.
The strange man leapt from his perch and approached me. Tears had begun to spill from his bizarre eyes. "I'm Azrael." he said.
"Angel of death?" I said.
Azrael nodded. "I know you of old Oshidori." he said.
Oshidori. My Japanese name. My mother gave it to me, and only she used it. It was somehow comforting to hear.
"You cry for their deaths?" I asked, a little shocked at the thought. I had always thought the angel of death would revel in his work.
Azrael shook his head left to right. "No." he said. "I weep because one must live."
"Sommer." I said, looking at the pretty dark haired little girl.
Azrael nodded again. "Death is effortless, it is living that causes struggle."
I frowned. I didn't recall my death being effortless at all. I recalled endless sorrow and regret. "Life isn't always a struggle." I said
"For her it will be." Azrael said. I could see his point. But Sommer has a chance to rebuild her life. A chance I was never given. I would give up heaven it's self for that chance.
"Death is a release from the pains of life." Azrael continued. He paused for a moment and looked at the two bleeding girls. "Scarecrow and Ache will come for her when they find out she is alive. They will finish what they started, maybe that will be best." He turned and began to slowly walk away.
"No." I said following him. "There has to be something you can do."
"Why would I want to? It's better for her this way." he said walking forward, not looking back.
"It's to late for Christina, I know that. But you can help Sommer. Can't you? She deserves a chance to be happy." I said. Azrael continued on, seeming to ignore me. I stopped finally, dejected. "I never had that chance." I said to myself.
Azrael stopped. He stood there for a moment motionless as if in thought. He finally turned to me. "Heaven is full of souls that left life unfinished Oshidori." He said. "We can't help them all."

I sat down on the cemetery ground. I hugged my knees and wept. Azrael came and sat down next to me. He stared into the distance, and sighed. "I can help them." he said finally. "But I can't do it alone."

I wiped my tears and looked at him. "I will help if I can." I said.
"There is no guarantee Oshidori. It is up to Christina as well." Azrael said. "She will be asked to relive the pains of her life. That is to much for some. And there may be consequences. She will be returning for someone who is alive. It isn't usually done that way, she must be prepared for that."

"I have to try. I can't leave it like this, I can't just walk away." I said. "Then you will be Christina's herald." Azrael said. "If her love is strong enough."

"And what will you do?" I asked the angel of death.

He turned to me, and brushed imaginary hair away from my face, in a way that reminded me so much of Victor. Azrael smiled at me affectionately and said, "I will lend you my wings."

I SIR STANLEY

"I thought ten thousand swords must have leapt from their scabbards, to avenge even a look that threaten her with insult." -Edmund Burke-


So I was given, for a time, the angel of death's stygian wings. He left me there in the graveyard, as the sun began to rise. I was alive again, but in the form of a crow. I was to watch over Sommer, and gather information that might help Christina in her grim task. And when the time was right, I was to carry her through the mists of death, back to the world of the living, as Victor's avatar had done for him.

The cemetery's grounds keeper. came to work a few minutes later.
He was a pleasant looking fellow, fat and ruddy. He whistled a sad tune as he unlocked the cemetery gate. I flew over to the gate as he unlocked it. I called to him once in my bird voice, but he didn't seem to hear me. So I dive bombed him, pecking gently at his scalp.
The grounds keeper cursed and swatted at me. I flew out ahead of him, hoping he would follow me to where the two girls lay. He didn't. He went about his business, and ignored my cawing. So I dive bombed him again.

"Damn bird." he said waving his arms about his head. I didn't leave him alone this time, I continued to crow and peck at him until he chased me with his push broom. I flew to the gravestone beneath which Christina and Sommer now laid.

"I'll teach you to peck at me you stupid bird." said the grounds keeper, brandishing his broom like a knightly sword. A sick, sad expression crossed his face when he saw the two girls. "Oh no." he said simply. I crowed once, and pecked the gravestone.

The ground's keeper knelt and felt for Christina's pulse. He yanked his hand away from her cold flesh as if he had been shocked. Reluctantly he felt at Sommers neck. "Jesus." he said. "She's still alive."

The tubby little grounds keeper hurried for help as fast as his legs could carry him. I stayed in the cemetery and watched when the ambulance, and other authorities arrived. The County Sheriff took the grounds keepers statement.

"There was a crow in here when I came to work...." said the grounds keeper.
"A raven." the Sheriff corrected.
The grounds keeper looked at him as if he was daft. "Huh?" he said.
"You saw a raven. There aren't any crows in this part of the state." the Sheriff knew it all you see.

The grounds keeper frowned. What could matter less at a time like this? I considered pecking the Sheriff, but decided against it.

"Whatever." the grounds keeper said. "Do you want to hear this or not?"
The rude Sheriff shrugged, and allowed the chubby janitor to continue.
"As I was saying, the cr....the bird started messing with me, so I chased it with my broom." said the grounds keeper, who I had nick named Stanley. He looked like a Stanley.
"It led me to the girls. Almost like it wanted me to help them." said Stanley. The Sheriff shook his head in disbelief. "How much you been drinking?" he asked Stanley.
"Are you finished with me?" Stanley asked indignantly.
The Sheriff nodded, writing something in his notebook. Grounds keeper Stanley, drunk? Crazy? Possible suspect.
Stanley shuffled off to his work, as the paramedics worked to save Sommer's life.
"This one really wants to live." I heard one of them say. I smiled inwardly. That's my girl Sommer. Give em hell.
The medics loaded Sommer into an ambulance, and drove away, leaving poor Christina to the medical examiner. I followed the ambulance, flying out over the little desert town that I would call home for the next year or so.

Top five advantages to being a dead girl in the body of a bird. In no particular order.
1) You can eavesdrop. Since no one figures a bird is going to care (or even understand) what they are saying, their tongues tend to be more loose. Very helpful when gathering information.

2) You are alive again. Nuff said.

3) Since you are alive again, you can eat. I remember Victor's crow leaping off of his shoulder to devour the peanuts set on the table for my night clubs living customers. You can feel hungry when you are dead, but you can't eat. Victor's bird must have been suffering this.

4) You are possessed of a certain kind of telepathy. You can read what the living are thinking. It enables you to sense danger before it can sneak up on you and your charge. I wondered how Victor's crow had known about the pistol kept beneath the seat of our murderer's car. Now I know.

5) The living can only see you when you want them to. I remember wondering why I was able to see the crow with the cemetery girl, that winter when I was nine, but mine and Victor's murderers didn't seem to notice Victor's feathered friend at all. The cemetery girl's crow wanted me to see her. I still don't know why, however.


I was able to enter and navigate the hospital, without being chased by another janitor's knightly broom, thanks to advantage number five. I flew into the emergency room, and watched for a time, while the doctors worked to stabilize Sommer. I decided I wasn't able to help there, so I went out into the corridor and found a tray of that terrible hospital food left on a cart outside some patients room. I devoured the foul stuff. Even hospital food tastes damn good when you haven't eaten for eleven years.

By the time I had finished my meal, Sommer was resting in the intensive care unit. I glided into her room on Azrael's wings, and perched myself at her bedside. I spoke to her in my human voice.

"You just rest little one." I told her. "I'm your friend, and everything is going to be just fine. I will make sure of that."

A single tear leaked from the corner of her left eye, but she made no sound or movement. Sommer turned her little girl doe eyes to me, I could sense fear in them. Fear and confusion. "I will take care of you." I promised. "Christina and I." She went to sleep shortly after that, and her parents arrived after a few moments. I left Sommer in her sad parents care, and left the hospital. I flew over the little town, savoring the feeling of the sun against me. A feeling I haven't felt for eleven years.

II ONE MISERABLE YEAR

"Thy soul shall find it's self alone, mid dark thoughts of the gray tombstone." -Edgar Allan Poe-


It didn't rain at all for the rest of that Summer. The heat became unbearable, dry and cracking, maddening. At the coming of Autumn, crops failed, or rotted in their fields before they were able to be harvested. The winter was bitter and dry. The wind would cut through you like shards of broken glass. And when spring finally came, it was bloomless. Life seemed to have been sucked out of the little town. Hatch, Ache and Scarecrow had corrupted it with their evil, it seemed, and there would be no relief until those wrongs had been righted.

Over that miserable twelve months I learned much about Christina. As I have said, it's easy to eavesdrop when you are invisible unless you choose not to be.

It seems that for the better part of her life, Christina had been well loved in her home town. That changed though, when she became involved with Hatch.

Hatch had a rather seedy reputation, you see, he was considered a bad boy. Just the type of guy that could ruin a respectable young woman's reputation. And that's exactly what happened. When Christina started dating Hatch, her reputation was soured. Soured to everyone in town it seemed, except for her mother, Sommer and Bren, her childhood friend. The world of the living can be rather unforgiving, especially when we can't see beyond our own petty values. Christina loved Hatch, for a time. I believe that. And as those of you who know me have heard me say, love bites us where it bites us, we have no control over it. Hatch was that exciting dangerous type, the kind that all to often turns out to be unredeemable. Christina fell for it hook line and sinker like so many other impressionable girls have. She can't be blamed, for she broke away, or would have, if Hatch had let her.

It was widely rumored that Hatch and his friends were responsible for Sommer and Christina's unfortunate fate. They were right of course. But the lack of evidence, and the lack of competence on the part of the local constabulary, prevented any arrests. Many of the locals shared the sentiment, that Christina had deserved what she got. Sommer was only an innocent bystander. The part about Sommer was right, at least.

Bren had loved Christina more than anyone else had. Her death was a crippling shock to him. He blamed himself you see. They had been lovers in the last few days of Christina's life, and Hatch had killed her for it. I sat, unseen, with Bren many a day. He punished himself, and I felt his pain, shared his memories.

He remembered her coming to him with rope burns on her wrists. He winced when he saw them.
"How did you get that?" he asked, though he already knew.
Christina just shrugged and looked away from him. "It's one of Hatch's little games." she said.
"Do you like it?" Bren asked.
"Hatch does." she answered, still avoiding Bren's eyes.
"That's not what I asked." Bren said turning her face to his, with one gentle hand.
Christina's eyes began to flood with tears, but she held them back. She smiled, and changed the subject. But it couldn't be avoided for ever. As Hatches abuses became more severe, Bren's tenderness became more appealing, and Christina eventually made her decision. A decision that would cost her life, and Sommer much pain. Yet somehow, it was the right decision. Someone once said, that to gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else. That is true all to often.

Following Sommer's ordeal, she became catatonic. She wouldn't speak, and couldn't stand to be left alone. She would weep hysterically, and scream terrified screams when left without the presence of someone she trusted. The local authorities tried to question her after she began to recover physically. Sommer would only stare at them with a blank expression, tears rolling from her enormous eyes. After a while they gave up, and shelved the case.

Bren did what he could for Sommer. Once a week or so he would take her on an outing. To the park, or to the lake. Anywhere that was peaceful, anywhere he thought she might feel safe. He hoped that one day she would reward him with a word, or just a smile. That would do. But it was a vain hope. The outings would pass without incident, and Bren would walk her home, never letting go of her tiny trembling hand. When she was safely returned to her home, he would walk slowly back to his own place, dejected and disappointed.

And during that ungodly year. Ache, Hatch, and Scarecrow conspired. The little brat wouldn't stay silent for long. And when she finally decided to speak up, it would be over for them. They would take her, as they had done that night little more than a year ago, before she had a chance to talk. But this time they would be sure to finish what they started. This time no one would find the little girl. She would wander off, lost in her own unresponsive mind, and never return. That was the plan anyway. Christina and I had other things in mind.

III THE STAINED GLASS BIRD

"I wish I'd seen you as a little girl, without your armor, to fend off the world." -Tonic-

It was a little more than a year after I found Christina in the cemetery, when Azrael sent me to bring her back to the living world. The gray spring had come and gone, and the hottest part of summer was full at hand. It was a stifling heat. The sun in the afternoon seemed to bath everything in an orange haze, and there was no breeze. Not the slightest stirring in the air to rustle the leaves on dying trees, or to cool the sweat that clung to your body like ugly on a monkey. It was wholly miserable. Even I, who had once reveled in mostly forgotten sensation, was uncomfortable under my inky feathers.

I had followed Bren and Sommer on an outing to a little glen, where he and Christina had played as children. They walked slowly through the grass toward the dry trees. Bren held a pic nic basket in one hand, Sommer's little palm in the other. I circled above them, unseen. One for sorrow.

They finally stopped beneath an immense cotton wood tree.
"Here we are sweetie." Bren said to the little girl. "Are you hungry?"
Sommer made no response, she only stared forward, blinking every once in a while to moisten her unhappy eyes.
Bren let go of Sommers hand and set the pic nic basket down. Sommer made a little cry of fear, and grabbed Bren's one hand with both of hers.
"It's ok Sommer. I'm not leaving you." Bren said. "I have to spread the blanket so we can sit down."
Sommer let go of him long enough for him to spread a blanket in the grass, then she latched on to him again. With his free hand he reached into the pic nic basket and took out a sandwich, cut diagonally, and wrapped in wax paper.

"You like ham and cheese right?" he asked his silent companion. Sommer only stared forward as before.
Bren took a half of the sandwich and handed it to Sommer. After a moment she took it, letting go of Bren, but scooting a little closer to him. She bit the sandwich right in the middle. Bren smiled and began to eat the other half, from the middle like she had done.

"I have a present for you." Bren said taking an object from his pocket. "My grand dad used to say that crow's are the spirits of your dead loved ones sent back to earth to look after you. So I made this for you."

He handed the object to Sommer. A little stained glass crow, on a hemp twine. Sommer stared at it for a moment, then set her sandwich in her lap and took the gift. She examined it for a moment. Then a little smile appeared on her lips.

Bren smiled also, and began to cry a little from his sad eyes. I wondered if his eyes had been so sad before Christina was killed. I doubted it somehow.
"Now you will always have someone looking after you." Bren said. The slightest breeze began to blow just then. Not much, just enough to stir the leaves, and only there in that little glen. It was as if God decided only Bren and Sommer needed to be cool right now. The rest of the town could suffer.

I had perched myself in the tree above them, and was watching the goings on, smiling inwardly, the only way a bird can.
"Tonight is the night Oshidori." said a familiar voice beside me. I turned my bird head toward the voice, and saw Azrael perched next to me. I nodded to him.
"Fetch Christina." Azrael continued. "I will show you how."

IV THE LIVING DEAD GIRL

"She's a killer, she's a thriller. Spook show baby." -Rob Zombie-


So Azrael sent me, once again, into the mists of death. I found Christina wandering as I had done, before Victor came back to earth, and somehow drug me along with him.
I glided through the mists and landed myself in front of her. She smiled at me, a beautiful smile I had yet to see.
"Hello pretty bird." She said in a voice so genuine. "What are you doing here?"
"I've come to take you back Christina." I said.
"Back where?" she asked.
"Back to life, sort of." I said.
An expression of discomfort crossed her face. "I don't want to go back." She said shaking her head from left to right. "It's peaceful here. I have no reason..." She let the words trail off, then closed her eyes, looking sad. She skirted passed me. I took to flight, and glided next to her as she floated along.

"Sommer is in trouble." I said simply.
Christina stopped. "Sommer is dead." she observed. "How can she be in trouble?"

"Your sister didn't die that night Christina." I said, having landed before her again, looking up into her brown eyes. Christina sat down in front of me. Or rather floated a little closer to my level.

"You mean they didn't hurt her?" she asked me, her expression brightening with hope. I hesitated for a moment "I wish I could tell you they didn't." I said. Christina's expression hardened.

"She didn't do anything. And Scarecrow gave her to that monster." She paused for a second. "For the sake of cruelty." She began to cry ghost tears, the kind I was all to familiar with.

"It may happen again." I said. "Unless you come with me. You are the only one who can help her."
"I can't go back. Can I?" she asked.
"You can, I can take you there, but you must be prepared." I told her. "It won't be easy. You will see things you may not want to see."
Christina stood. "I can't let them do that to her twice. Even if it means I have to suffer."

So we were off. I flew out of the realm of the dead, out in front of Christina who was somehow carried on the wake of my pitch black wings. We broke into the living world inside the gates of the cemetery where I found Christina that grim night, one miserable year ago.

Those of you who know me, have heard me speculate that ghosts create bodies out of there imagination. Mist like bodies that serve no real purpose, save to give comfort to those that imagine them. Something similar must be true for revenant souls like Victor and Christina. Though they create stronger, more life like bodies. Bodies that serve a purpose, revenge, redemption, whatever dark desire it was that kept them from their rest..

Christina appeared in that cemetery dressed all in black. Black jeans, black leather chaps, knee high boots, a black bodice, and a black motor cycle jacket over it all. An ammunition belt was hung on her hip as if she were a gunslinger.

Her face was white, in contrast to her otherwise dusky complexion. Her face was painted like a clown. Long black spikes above and below each eye, a black smile over her mouth.

What was is with the clown motif? Three times I had met The Crow, and three times they took the face of a clown. A dark clown, but a smiling one. What was it? Irony? God's little joke on evil men? Strike fear in the heart of the enemy? Make the enemy laugh themselves into impotence? Whatever it was, it worked. The militant uniform of the corvid.

We made our way through the vast cemetery, passed the spot where Christina was murdered. She avoided that spot. Understandable. I noticed a moment later that Christina had stopped. I turned and flew to where she was, standing before her own grave.

"I found me." she said when I joined her. I landed on her grave marker. "Am I still in there?" she asked.
"I guess so." I said with a bird shrug.
Christina smiled, amused. "You aren't much help are you?"
I just shrugged again. "I don't know much more about this than you do. I just work here."
We left Christina's grave and headed for the cemetery gate, dutifully locked by Stanley at the end of his day's work. Out a ways before us on the little concrete path, stood a figure. He, like Christina, was dressed in black, a ragged coat and tails. A stovepipe top hat sat on his fleshless head. Brightly colored beads hung around his neck, and he was leaning on a crow's headed cane. The image of a masked Mardi Gras reveler sprang to mind. Commence oh' carnival.

As we drew closer to him I was reminded of something more familiar, more sinister. The happy carnival, party image was replaced by one of Yorick, the death's head jester from Victor's cruel dream.

A non existent breeze blew the coat tails out to one side of the Yorick thing, he himself remained motionless. Christina stopped a man's length from the strange figure. She cocked her head playfully to one side, and smiled that genuine smile. "Hello Voo Doo man." She said.

"You should go back little girl." said Voo Doo Man. "You aren't supposed to be here." His voice was as I remembered, cruel and slippery. I couldn't suppress a shudder.

Christina seemed to conceder Voo Doo for a moment, then as if coming to a decision, pointed to his head. "You know, you should light your head on fire, like that Ghost Rider guy." she said skirting passed him. "It's very hip these days...for the fashionable deaths head."

"It isn't done like this. There will be consequences." Voo Doo said from behind us. Christina turned back to him, a little angry. "Maybe I don't want to play it your way Casper." she said. Voo Doo Man had turned toward us, but seemed to remain motionless. Only his coat tails moved in that unfelt breeze.

"Go back, before you bring more pain to the ones you love." Voo Doo spat.
"I know who you are Spooky." Christina said. "And I know why you are here." I had landed on her shoulder and now I looked at her with interest.

"If I slip up I belong to you don't I?" She said. Then she folded her arms and glared at Voo Doo Man. "It amuses you to make us think you are here to help, doesn't it? You are here to turn us into what we want to destroy. You may have fooled some of the others, but you won't fool me."

Voo Doo Man was silent for a moment, that imaginary breeze blew up, and whipped his tails violently about his legs. "You make your own bed little girl. I have warned you." At that he vanished.

Christina remained there for a moment, staring at the spot where Voo Doo Man had been. Then she sighed, and turned back toward the gate. "That guy needs to lighten up." she said as we walked. "Maybe a vacation." I smiled my inward bird smile.

I had figured that Yorick was some hallucination in Victor's mind, a product of his particular psychosis. But now I was beginning to feel that there were other forces at work in this little drama of ours. Elemental forces beyond good and evil. What would have happened to Victor if he had given in to hate? I was frightened to think of it.

We reached the tall cemetery gate, and Christina swung herself over it without difficulty. I flew over the gate and landed on her shoulder. Together, we set off into the unbearable heat of that ungodly Summer.

V BOOGIE MAN

"Oh little child I love you so, that I will never let you go, O' father help or I'll take flight, the Erl King's clutch is cold and tight" -Johann Wolfgang Von Goeth-


Bren was a plump, handsome fellow. His eyes were the color of faded denim, and he wore a blonde goatee that reminded me Craig's massive red one. He wore his honey colored hair close cropped against his skull, short and neat. Bren was an armature artist. It was in his studio that he and Christina spent there first and last night together.

It was after midnight when she came to him that night, but he was up, working on some Christina inspired project he would never finish.
"I left Hatch." she told him when she came in.
"For good?" he asked. Christina just nodded. It had been an ugly thing her break up. Threats were made, threats to her, and to Bren. Threats she hadn't taken seriously.
"He said he would kill me." she told Bren as they sat on his studio sofa.
Bren's face burned with rage. "You have to tell the police about that." he told his friend.
Christina smiled. "He doesn't mean it." she said. "It was his last ditch attempt to get me to stay."
Bren coughed a humorless laugh. "As if threatening you would soften your resolve."
"It has before." Christina said staring at her hands, which were neatly folded in her lap. She could see the scars around her wrists from many ropes that tied her to the head board. Playfully tied, he insisted. Playfully tightened to the point of pain. Playfully tightened until she bled.

"So why didn't it work this time?" Bren asked.
"Because I had you to come to." She said, grinning at him and ruffling his hair.
"I hate it when you do that." Bren said. Christina suspected secretly that he did not.
"Why?" she asked.
"I wonder if, I'm just a pet to you." said Bren a little sadly.
"Like I'm just a teddy bear to cry on."

"Well you are kind of plushy." Christina said poking him in his slightly rounded belly. Bren said nothing. He just looked away from her, a glaze that threatened tears appearing in his eyes. Christina hugged him warmly and affectionately. He let her.
"I love you so much." she whispered in his ear.
"I love you too." Bren said meekly.
Then she began to undress him. Bren was shocked it seemed. They made love there on his studio couch, and slept warmly afterwards, in each others embrace.

It was this Christina was thinking of as we walked through the streets of her little desert town, seeking Ache's ghastly abode. I wondered to myself as I led the way, if Christina had come back for the sake of her short love with Bren, as much as to protect little Sommer.

Ache lived in the home he had shared with his mother, until he killed her. He had buried her beneath the floor boards of his basement play room. And he was glad to be rid of her. I learned this when I listened to his thoughts one day. I had flown above the town seeking him, so I would know where to take Christina. When I found him he was having a breakfast of Captain Crunch in the messy kitchen of his home.

Ache was thirty years old, and from the time he was six, his mother had used him. Used him in unspeakable ways I care not to think of. This abuse had left a mark on Ache, to put it lightly. I left him to his breakfast shortly after I learned this bit of information. I had no desire to learn anymore about him. I knew where to find him. That was enough. His behavior, and his treatment of Sommer hinted at the depth of his disturbance however. Ache was uniquely psychotic. That much I could see without having it spelled out.

I led Christina to Ache's house. She pushed the door open and stepped boldly inside. The place was dark. No one appeared to be home, until we hearted the sound of someone sobbing softly. Christina and I followed the sound to the basement play room.

There we found a little table set for a tea party. There was a little girl no older than Sommer seated at the table. Her face was wet with tears, and she appeared frightened, but otherwise unhurt. Her eyes widened when we entered.

"Are you here for a tea party too?" She asked.
I flew to the table and crowed to the girl in my bird voice. She smiled.
"I'm here to visit Ache." Christina said. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be home with your mom and dad?"

"I want to be." the girl said sadly. "But Frank says I can't go. He says if I go he'll play rough with me..." the girl paused here, her eyes filling with terror. "...like he did with Jenessa."

"Who is Jenessa?" Christina asked.
"She is...was my friend. Frank put her in the toy box." the little girl said. Christina's face twisted with the anger I was feeling. I warbled sympathetically at the little girl. She smiled again. "Where did you get the bird?" She asked Christina.

"Romie is my friend." Christina said stepping a little closer to the table. The girls face brightened a little. Wow. A crow for a friend. She smiled at the thought. "What is your name?" Christina asked.

"I'm Sara." the girl said.
Christina leaned in close to Sara, smiling that pretty, genuine smile. "Sara, where is Frank?" she asked delicately.

Sara poked her thumb over her shoulder. "He's in the closet." she said. "He's being punished for playing rough with Jenessa."

Christina nodded. "Sara, why don't you take Romie into the living room with you and watch TV for a while, then when I'm finished....talking to Frank, I'll walk you home."
"I can't go home. Frank says he'll play rough with my mom." Sara said, her eyes widening with horror.

"Frank won't play rough with anyone again Sara. I promise you that." said Christina.
So Christina and I went up stairs with Sara, turning on lights as we went. Sara sat on the couch, and Christina put on the television. It was some silly sit com, just something to occupy Sara while Christina did her grisly work. I hopped into Sara's lap, and she held me close to her, and stroked my feathers. I was happy to give the child some comfort.

As I sat there on the couch with Sara, I witnessed the going on in the basement, through Christina's senses.
There was a closet at the back of the basement. Christina approached it and knocked softly on the door.
"Ache? You are in there aren't you?" Christina asked. There was silence for a moment, then a soft childlike voice from inside.
"Go away." the voice said simply.
"It's time to come out Ache." Christina said
"Nuh huh, I'm bein punished." the little boy voice said sadly. "I been bad."
"That's right. You've been very bad Ache." Christina said. "But you aren't getting off with just a time out."
"Who the fuck are you?" came the answer from the closet. This time in Ache's voice, as I remembered from the graveyard.
"Come out and see Ache." Christina said stepping back from the closet. The closet door began to swing open slowly. Inside was Ache, dressed in a ridiculously sized pair of footy pajamas. He was clutching a rag doll to his breast, his eyes appeared cold.

"You aren't supposed to be here." he said in his own voice.
"You aint bull shitting." Christina said. "But here I am Ache, and I need to ask you a few questions."

"Scarecrow and Hatch gutted you like meat. You can't be here." Ache said as he stood up.

"I'm here because you and Scarecrow aren't finished with my sister. I'm going to stop you from hurting her again Ache. Anyway I can." Christina said.

"No, no, no," said Ache. "She's gonna start talkin again one of these days, an we can't let her."
"You'll have to go through me Ache." Christina said.
Ache grinned. "You're a pushy bitch aint you?" he said. His eyes went soft, watery, his mouth became a pout. He lifted the rag doll up and addressed it. "What should we do with her Dolly?"

he said in the little boy voice. He turned the doll toward Christina, and I swear to you, the corners of it's embroidery mouth turned up in a grin.

"Play rough wiff her." said a third voice, entirely separate from Ache or his little boy voice. His lips didn't even more. I shuddered despite myself as I sat in Sara's lap.

He produced a kitchen knife as if from no where and attacked Christina. She fought him off, blocking blow after blow, like a black belt. The knife never touched her. I was impressed. Did she come with this ability? I remember Victor being stabbed repeatedly by one of our murderers, because he had not been a fighter in life. Was this something from Christina's life that I had missed?

She back peddled, and side stepped Ache socking him in the ear hard enough to nearly knock it off. The organ hung from his head by a one inch scrap of flesh. He dropped to his knees clutching his damaged head.

"You knocked my ear off." Ache said, his own voice returning to him. His face twisted with rage, and he leapt at her, leaving his charming weapon on the concrete floor. "A guy needs his fucking ear!" he shouted as he pummeled Christina.

She had a hard time now. His attack was savage, relentless. At one point Christina side stepped him and did a monkey roll, grabbing the kitchen knife in the process. Ache was on her in a second, before she could stand. He knocked her to the floor. Holding down her arms he straddled her chest.

"Oh boy, you are fun to play wiff." said the little boy voice from Ache's lips. Christina swung her legs up and wrapped them around his neck, forcing him over backward. He screamed in protest. Christina took his weapon and hamstrung him. She pushed him away and stood up.

The crumpled figure on the floor began sobbing. "I don't wanna play wiff you anymore." said the little boy voice.

"What were you planning to do with Sommer Ache, and when?"
"Why the fuck should I tell you anything?" Ache said in his own voice.
"Because if you tell me, I'll go easy on you." Christina answered.
"Piss off." Ache said.
He honestly didn't know however, Scarecrow was the ring leader it seemed, and he kept his plans to himself until the last minute. Until a week ago I had been able to read Scarecrow's thoughts, but lately there had been a block. It seemed as if some unseen force wanted to keep Scarecrow's plans for Sommer hidden from me. It was disquieting to say the least.

Christina shrugged. "Suit yourself, Ache. I'll just have to get to Scarecrow and Hatch first."

Ache began to crawl towards his ungodly doll, which he had dropped when Christina knocked his ear off.
Christina looked around the basement, finding a roll of strapping tape. When she returned to Ache, he was cuddling his doll, and sucking his thumb. Christina bound his feet together with the tape. Ache didn't protest. But he began to cry.
"I been a real bad boy." he said in the child voice.
"Yes you have. Are you going to take your medicine like a big boy Frank?" Christina said. Ache nodded, resigning himself.

Ache let go of the doll, and cooperated with Christina as she bound his hands together, and then to his ankles. She wrapped the tape around his mouth and nose, cutting off his air supply, and drug him by his pajamas to the closet.

She placed him inside, and as an afterthought, retrieved the doll. She shuddered when she touched it. When she touched it, Christina was flooded with images from Ache's past. The horrible things his mother had done to him, and the horrible things he had done here in this basement. Things I won't relate, because I can't bear to. She tossed the dreadful thing in the closet with Ache and slammed the door.

Christina returned upstairs, and as promised, walked Sara home. I stayed at Ache's house, or rather in the branches of a dry tree in the front yard. I couldn't stand to be in the house by myself, as silly as that sounds coming from a dead girl.

A few moments after Christina had left, Scarecrow showed up at Ache's front door. He entered the house, not seeming to notice the front door had been forced open. I followed him inside, unseen. He went to the living room, and seeing the lights and television on, with no sign of Ache, he became suspicious. He pulled a revolver from somewhere in his long brown coat, and headed downstairs to the play room. He discovered at once the trail of blood left by Ache's severed hamstrings. He followed the viscous substance to the closet, and opened the door.

There sat Ache in his pink pajamas, tape over his mouth and nose, a terrified look in his lifeless eyes. Scarecrow closed the closet door, and stood for a moment in thought. I could only stand there and observe. My ability to read Scarecrow was still malfunctioning.

After a moment he turned and left Ache's house. I returned outside, and found myself thinking of what Azrael had said.
"It isn't usually done this way, there may be consequences." he had told me. What consequences? Could that be why I had lost my telepathic connection with Scarecrow? I had the sinking feeling I would find out before this whole business was finished.

VI FELINE COMPANIONSHIP

"Go away cat, you make me smile to much." -The Crow-


When Christina returned from taking Sara home, she wasn't alone. Every cat in the neighborhood had followed her, it seemed. Every age, shape, gender and breed of house cat was represented, all mewing, purring and rubbing themselves affectionately on Christina's legs.

I flew down to her, landing on her shoulder. "What's with the cats?" I asked. "I don't know," said Christina. "I was kind of hoping you could tell me."
I shrugged my bird shrug. "Like I said, I don't know much more about this than you do."
Christina sighed. "I don't suppose you could be a little more enigmatic?" she asked me sarcastically.
I didn't respond. I didn't feel as if I was being much help just then, so I kept my mouth shut. "I hate cats." Christina said, staring down at her fluffy companions. She seemed more than a little disturbed by this development.
"I don't remember cats following Victor." I told Christina. "Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with your situation. Your unearth I mean."
Christina sat down on Ache's front steps. The cats huddled around her sleeping, or cleaning themselves, or doing other catlike things. They ignored me completely.

"Who is Victor?" Christina asked me.
Maybe I shouldn't be telling her this, I thought to myself. I remembered Victor's crow. The quiet feminine voice, sympathetic, yet removed, never giving away information about it's self or it's origin. Was that the way it was supposed to be? Was I supposed to keep her wondering?

I shrugged again. Azrael hadn't given me any specific instruction in this area, so I decided it was up to me. "Victor was my friend." I said.
Christina looked at me confused. "But you're just a bird right..." she said, and after a pause, she grinned. "No I guess not, most birds don't talk." She smiled and began to scratch a morbidly obese tabby cat behind the ear.

"I was a girl once, I had my own happy life." I told her. "For a while anyway."

The fat tabby purred happily and leaned into Christina's scratch. Christina didn't seem the least bit surprised to learn that her feathered friend had once been a human girl. Once you are dead, there isn't much left to surprise you I guess.

"And your friend, Victor, he came back like me?" She asked me.

I nodded. "He came back for me." I told her an abridged version of mine, and Victor's unhappy story. When I finished, she was staring at the chubby feline she had been scratching. It had rolled over on it's back and was now being scratched on the tummy. It wore a contented expression.

There was silence for a moment, as Christina continued to stare at the cat, though not really seeing it I imagine. She smiled sadly, and started to cry a little, moved by some cheap memory I failed to catch. I disconnected my self from her for a moment, giving her some privacy.

I once asked my dad for advice about Victor. "He's so unhappy dad." I told him. "I don't know how to help him."
"Grief is a healing process Romie." my dad advised. "Sometimes you just have to allow people their sadness. Victor will be happy when he's ready to be." The Tao of dad. I miss him so much.
I allowed Christina her sadness, returning to my spot in the tree. After a few moments the cats began to wander away, temporarily losing there fascination with the living dead girl. The cats had all went there own way Christina stood up. "Let's go Romie." she said. "I need to make a stop."

VII MY BOYFRIEND KILLS ME

"Choke my faith, and stab my pride. And tell myself that this is the last time." -Fuel-


It's a hurtful thing to be condemned for who you love. My mom was twenty one years old when she married my dad. He was from a lower middle class Caucasian family. My mother's parents were first generation Japanese immigrants, and very conservative. My maternal grandparents were appalled at the idea of their daughter marrying into a white family. But in the end that pleasant desire won out, and my mom went to the man she loved, despite her family's protestation. And as a result she was disowned, and disinherited. I never knew my Japanese family. Many days I came upon my mother weeping softly to herself, grieving over the choice she was forced to make. It was unfair to her, and to me.

So I found in Christina, someone who I could relate to. Not directly of course, my parents were always supportive of my choices, for obvious reasons. But I could see a little of my mom in her, though the circumstances were somewhat different.

Christina's father had been the bad guy it seemed. He had forced her to make that most unfair choice.
"You can be a part of this family, or you can be with him. The choice is yours." he had told her, not seeing at the time, that he would be forcing her into Hatch's cold arms. She moved out of her family home and into Hatch's grim little apartment on Seventh Street. The choice had been made.

Her father had her best interests at heart of course. And he had been right about Hatch, even if he hadn't handled it the way he should have.
When we left Ache's house of horrors, Christina took a walk down Seventh Street, to the apartment she kept with Hatch.
"He isn't there now Christina." I told her.
"I know." she said. "There is something I want in that apartment."
So I followed her up the stairs and into the grave place. The door was locked, but that means little to Crow folk. She kicked the door in effortlessly, as she had at Ache's house.
It was dark inside, and I was assaulted by the smells of sloppiness, stale beer and unwashed dishes.
"Our little room on Seventh Street is getting cold." she said to no one in particular. "He is such a slob."
Christina began rummaging through drawers and closets. I went to the kitchen and pecked at pizza left sitting on the kitchen table. It had grown cool since dinner time, but it tasted good just the same.

Christina entered the kitchen after a time, wearing a black leather dog collar, and a pair of leather hand cuffs. She held her hands out to me as if expecting me to arrest her.
"Look what I found Romie." she said to me. I warbled in my bird voice. She looked down at the cuffs and closed her eyes remembering.
"It's a game." she remembered Hatch saying. "Just to make it more interesting."
"I'm not interesting enough?" She said.
"You don't want to, is that it?" he asked her harshly. She had given in of course. But it wasn't just a game to him. It was a way of exerting control. Power, that's what it was about. And after a time, he wouldn't touch her without the cuffs and collar, or ropes, or chains, or what ever else it was. The game became a rule. And it ceased to be fun, to Christina at least.

She remained starring at the cuffs for a moment before a spark of anger flashed in her eyes. She yanked the cuffs apart, breaking the chain that bound them.

"You were supposed to love me Hatch." she said softly. She left the kitchen for a moment, and I could hear her rummaging through stuff in the bedroom. I flew into bedroom with her. She was standing among the rubbish holding a bright yellow button pin.

MY BOYFRIEND LOVES ME, was printed on the button. Only the word 'love' was replaced by an oversized red heart shape.
"Hatch bought me this." she said, then chuffed a little humorless laugh. "He said it was so I wouldn't forget him."
She scratched the word KILL over the heart shape with a safety pin she took from the stuff she had scattered about, and pinned the button to her jacket.

MY BOYFRIEND KILLS ME it now read. "Ok, we can go now." she said. We left the cold apartment on Seventh Street, and headed into the stifling Summer night, seeking it's tenant, a supernatural bird that was once a girl, and a dead, clown faced, S&M; princess.

VIII TWO FOR JOY

"I just woke up the other night, and now I know what to do. I guess I'll see you in Hell." -Monster Magnet-


It was Friday, and the night that Hatch, Scarecrow, and Ache had their regular meeting. Their meeting place was Scarecrow's trailer house. He rented a space far out in the desert, away from prying eyes. I watched them many a Friday night, from a big mesquite bush outside the trailer's kitchen window, as they made their unwholesome plans.

Scarecrow fancied himself the boss of his own organized crime family. And I suppose that was true, his 'family' was as close as it came in this backwater neck of the desert. The 'family' it's self was comprised of several small time criminals and low life's scraped together from the surrounding communities. As pathetic as the 'family' was, it's leader was as cruel and murderous as any big time Mafioso. Christina wasn't the first person Scarecrow had wasted, and she wouldn't be the last.

I flew out ahead of Christina to give her some idea of what she would have to deal with when she arrived at the trailer. I cloaked myself from the view of the living and perched myself in my regular spot in the mesquite bush.

Hatch had already arrived. He was leaning against his car looking harried and annoyed. Scarecrow was not at home.
After a few minutes Scarecrow arrived in his black, hearse like station wagon.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Hatch asked when Scarecrow exited the vehicle.
"There was a couple of things I needed to do." said Scarecrow. "You look nervous Hatch."
"Something bad is up Scarecrow. I can feel it in the air." Hatch said.
"It's just the weather, you need to relax buddy." Scarecrow said reaching into his coat. "A friend in need is a friend indeed." he grinned, producing a fat joint from his inside pocket, "A friend with weed is better."

"Fuck that Scarecrow. I'm serious." Hatch said.
Scarecrow's expression hardened. "You have always been a fucking whiner Hatch. I don't know why I put up with you."
"Where is Ache? I want to get this over with." Hatch said.
"Ache is worm food. Somebody locked him in his playroom and let him suffocate." scarecrow said without emotion.
Hatch nearly pissed his pants just then. "Holly shit!" he said. "What did I fucking tell you?"

"Relax you fucking baby. I know who it is." Scarecrow said.
Christina had been receiving this information via my senses. And now she snuck up on the scene and silently climbed onto the hood of Scarecrow's hearse.

"Who is it then? Who wasted Ache?" Hatch asked Scarecrow.
"I did...honey." Christina said from where she stood atop the hearse. The word 'honey' was drenched in scorn.
Hatch and Scarecrow turned to her. "Jesus!" Hatch said. This time he did piss his pants. Scarecrow only smiled.

"What's the matter Hatch? Didn't you miss me?" Christina said with an innocent pout.
"Jesus!" Hatch repeated and started to run. Scarecrow pulled his revolver and shot a round in the air. Hatch stopped in his tracks.

"Stay where you fucking are!" Scarecrow said to Hatch, then he turned back to Christina.
"I knew it!" Scarecrow said. "I could smell you in Ache's house, You stink like God you little bitch. You came back, for what? Revenge? Because I kept you from your fat boyfriend? Please, that is so fucking pathetic." he didn't seem at all surprised to see a living dead girl painted up like a clown, standing on top of his hearse.

Christina's starred him down. "Because you want to kill my sister."
"Oh that. She would be dead already if Ache wasn't so fucking stupid." Scarecrow said. "It's your fault you know. She would still be a happy little girl if you hadn't cheated on my buddy here."

Hatch stood perfectly still, half turned toward Scarecrow, his legs poised to run, like a sprinter awaiting the starting gun.

"If you are going to blame anyone, blame yourself." said Scarecrow.
Christina scowled and leapt from her place on top of the hearse. Scarecrow shot her, and the force of the blow sent her crashing into the windshield. She didn't stay there though, she jumped up as quickly as she went down and slapped the gun away from Scarecrow, punching him in the throat. He went down like a ton of bricks and Hatch bolted. Christina picked up the gun and raced after him. I stayed with Scarecrow, to keep an eye on him. He remained still for the moment.

Christina pointed the gun at Hatch. "Stop!" she yelled. Hatch stopped.
"I didn't hurt Sommer." he said turning to her. "I didn't even want her there."
"I know you didn't Hatch. Just me." she told him. "Do you think that makes what you did to ME ok?"
Hatch had begun to cry, and dropped to his knees. "Don't kill me." he said.
"I'm not going to Hatch. I'm not like you. I don't have any desire to hurt the people who hurt me." she approached him with the gun in her hand. "I killed Ache to keep him from hurting others. It was the only way. In the end, I think it's what he wanted. He didn't have the balls to do it himself."

Meanwhile Scarecrow began to stir.
"What are you going to do to me then?" Hatch asked.
"Nothing." Christina said handing him the revolver. He took it reluctantly, a confused expression on his face.
"If you think you deserve to live, than so be it." she told him leaning in close and touching his face. She smiled at him gravely. "I've learned a lot about you Hatch. I know why you made me do the things you did. You wanted to be in control. Having that power over me made you feel better about yourself."

She stood up. "But I don't hate you Hatch. You hate yourself enough for both of us." she said looking at him sadly. "But I do blame you. For what happened to me, and what happened to Sommer. So I leave this decision in your hands."

Back at the trailer Scarecrow was on his knees holding his throat and coughing. Christina saw him, through my eyes, and turned her head towards us. When she turned back toward Hatch she patted him on the head playfully. "You do what you think is best big guy. I've got more important things to worry about."

As she turned away from Hatch he put the gun against his own temple, and pulled the trigger, blowing his own brains onto scruff grass. Christina sighed and walked on, ridding herself at last, of Hatch's collar and cuffs.

Scarecrow stumbled toward the hearse. I called to Christina in my crow voice. She broke into a run, but was to slow. Scarecrow reached the car and dove in, starting the engine. He raced away as Christina reached the trailer.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, and turned running across country in an attempt to cut him off. "I should have taken care of him first." she said.

"No regrets Christina, it isn't over." I told her. I flew above her as she ran leaping over bushes and ditches, skirting obstacles of every kind as if they didn't exist, and progressing with an unnatural speed.

Christina ran onto the road in front of Scarecrow. She ran toward the car, and Scarecrow sped up. I'll run the creeper over, that's what I'll do.

As she and the car met, she jumped, rolling up and over the hood of the hearse, and then running across the top as the car sped on. She quickly reached the back of the hearse, and reversed swinging herself down, kicking in the glass at the hatch back, and into the back of the car. Inside Christina grabbed Scarecrow by his oily hair and drug him from behind the wheel. As Christina entered the hearse, Scarecrow was just driving onto a bridge that led back into town. The car swerved out of control without it's driver, and went over the guard rail at one side of the bridge. The hearse smashed into the dry creek bed below.

I temporarily lost contact with Christina's senses. I flew down to the wreck and called to her in my human voice.
"I'm here Romie." she said. She emerged from the wreck dragging a mortally injured Scarecrow with her by his hair.

I flew along with Christina as she drug Scarecrow down the dry river bed. I noticed something strange. When Victor had been injured during his brief unlife for my sake, his injuries remained, though he didn't seem to feel them. Christina seemed to heal. There were no marks on her body from the car wreck, nor did the bullet wound from Scarecrow's 357 seem to show. I wondered if Victor had perceived himself vulnerable even after his death. Perhaps his imaginary body obliged him.

At one point a barbed wire fence was stretched across the creek bed. Christina stopped here and twisted off several long pieces of wire. Then she returned to Scarecrow and drug him up out of the river bed into some hapless farmers ruined field. Using the barbed wire and two old, wooden, fence posts, Christina set Scarecrow up in the field like his name sake.

She looked up at him and spoke in a tired voice. "Let's see how many birds you can scare away." She told him, then turned away. And as she walked out of that little dry field, she began to hum a little song to which only she knew the tune.

I flew above and ahead of her, the subject of those unspecified consequences weighing heavy on my mind. Then I heard the sound of other crows approaching. Four distinct crow voices I heard. I was chilled for some reason, and uneasy.

AFTERWARD: GOLGOTHA SATURDAY MORNING

"You think your head's aching? I'm not finished yet." -Godsmack-


Top five disadvantages to being a dead girl in a bird's body. In no particular order.
1) Your only human interaction, is with the dead soul you have been sent to chaperon. It isn't much fun to be alive again if you can't do the things you enjoyed doing in life. I would have killed for a nice warm hug.

2) No opposable thumbs. You miss those...trust me.

3) People have a tendency to mistake you for a pest. Case in point, Sir Stanley and his knightly broom. Granted I was pecking at his scalp, but still.

4) Feathers are damn hard to keep clean.

5) Even though you can eat, you sometimes have to settle for what ever is available, this means your occasional spider or beetle. Repulsive, I know, but that doesn't make it any less necessary. There isn't always pizza conveniently left over from dinner.


One thing I refuse to resort to however, is road kill. I remember, more than once, getting funny looks from my fellow crows when I passed up a juicy rabbit that had been nailed on the road, and left to ripen just so. A scornful look from a crow would have meant nothing to me when I was human, but the moment I got my feathers, the opinions of other birds started to matter. It's strange how badly a person needs to belong. Or a crow I guess.

Anyway, when I heard the four crows approaching Scarecrow's mangled corpse, this is what I figured they were coming for. A nice midnight snack. At least that is what I tried to tell my self at first. I wish it had been that simple. It would have saved Christina, and poor Sommer more pain.

I flew above Christina as she walked slowly back toward the cemetery where she was buried. Neither of us were in any mood to talk. I had disconnected my self from Christina, allowing her some privacy. I was lost in my own speculation anyway.

I couldn't shake the feeling that the voices of the crows I had heard, was somehow ominous. It gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my bird stomach, and somehow I knew this business wasn't over. After a mile or so, I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to investigate. I turned on a wing, and headed back towards the place where Christina had left Scarecrow, hanging on the make shift cross bound by barbed wire.

I didn't know exactly what I was expecting to find, or if I was expecting to find anything at all. I tried to convince myself that Scarecrow would be hanging there, with four normal crows pecking at him. It was a hard sell.

When I finally arrived in the field, what I saw was the fence post cross, leaning slightly to one side. There was no sign of the crows. Nor was there any sign of Scarecrow's body.
My mind groped for an answer. Someone had found the body, and taken it down. If someone had taken the body down, there would be evidence of it. I saw none. Only a set of waffle sole foot prints sauntering casually away from the cross.

Ok then. Scarecrow had not been dead. He got himself off, and limped away. If that were true, then the barbed wire on the cross would have been disturbed. It wasn't. It hung there in slack loops, as if it had been loosely wound about the cross. None of it had been removed, it was as it should have been. Except...no Scarecrow.

That was a stupid idea to begin with. Of course Scarecrow had been dead. No one would have survived that wreck. And even if he had, his body had been horrible mangled. There was no way he could have walked away.

I ruffled my feathers and warbled absent mindedly, trying to come up with any explanation besides the one I already knew was true.
It was then I heard the voice from behind me. An old voice. Thick and slippery. I recognized it at once.
"He's gone on an errand." said the voice.
When I turned, he was there. Same black suit, same ridiculously tall hat, same colored beads, same nonexistent breeze playing at his coat tails. The mardi gras refugee himself, my old friend the Voo Doo Man.
"What have you done?" I asked.
"Azrael warned you there would be consequences. Now you and the little girl will have to face them." said Voo Doo Man. Then he tipped his hat to me, an vanished, like a whisp of smoke blown away by his own private breeze.
"Azrael?" I said in my human voice. "Little help here?" There was no reply. I took to the sky again, and flew back to Christina, through the hot dry air of that ungodly summer.